Zayra

birdie that flew away

you know that knick that bugs you in your brain to do something? let’s call it a birdie. I kept ignoring that birdie, letting the voice fade away. one day I just didn’t hear.

where is the birdie that flew away?

I dunno.

Did she grow tired of my constant blows to go away? did she finally find someone new to nag away?

yearning, searching; i look for my birdie that flew away.

birdie is the constant creative in me. the one who I long ignored and let die of hunger. i didn’t feed it and it starved to death.

birdie, i search for you. please come again.

love yours truly, zee.

sleep

Waking up I felt okay, I wanted to stay in bed because the sleep felt necessary. However, the burden of life and it’s stresses pushed me to get up.

A giant wave of tiredness dragged on me through the day, but I kept pushing and pushing until I was able to walk away.

I’m tired.

I just want to lie in bed. Surround myself in silk sheets and float away.

This Cruel World

When you think about the beauty of life, you never come to think that there is so much pain all around.

So many people disguising themselves with ideas and picture perfect images. Pretending to be happy all at once. When in reality there is no happiness behind the scenes.

Happiness. Is everything a person wants to achieve. Next to success, happiness is said to be succeeded through a series of life struggles.

Struggles in which are meant to build your character in a array of obstacles you face. From birth you are destined to learn from nothing and to be expected to know where to go in life when you don’t know where the hell you’re going.

What is my purpose anyway?

We are meant to to live in this cruel world. Meant to figure out what it is to live or to live to learn.

It’s been over a year

Hello, as I reintroduce myself to the web, I am Zayra.

I like to write and share random stuff. Life is precious and I have neglected my joy for writing. Writing is both therapeutic and inspirational to myself.

Last year, I’m sure for many the world was a scary place. And so many of us went through some traumatic experiences. As we move forward, all we can do is find ways to find our happiness and heal from difficult time.

Trying to find some reasoning and self healing.

-Zee

Weak in your love

You. It’s all I can think about sometimes. Why you though? Why does the heart want the person who I can’t have? It’s puzzling how you really can’t control the way you feel for someone because it’s not the things you do for me. It’s the way you see the world. The way you breathe. It’s the way the sunlight hits your face, the wind blowing through your hair. Your scent… I want you but can’t have you… And the desire to have your utmost attention is insatiable… nothing fulfills the need to want to be with you.

Me? I will always be weak in your love.

Goodbye 2019

The end of the year is coming up and all I can think about is how I’m getting older and that time is moving quicker. As I reflect on my past ten years I think about the people who have come into my life and made an impact on me. I also look back on the difficult times that made me the person I am today.

Life hasn’t been easy, though, every struggle along the way has made me appreciate the things I’ve gotten. I never really announce the the world my accomplishments or show off. I guess I was never really proud of myself because I didn’t think it was enough. I always felt like I could do more and that somehow someway the world wouldn’t be impressed.

I talk about it many times in my past posts, I always cared what people said and if people spoke about me. I don’t know if that is some cultural thing because of the way I was raised. Like my mother saying “don’t behave that way because of such and such.” Maybe that was it, though, I cared too much. I was embarrassed of expressing myself and being out there because I didn’t want to tarnish some reputation my family had, if they had one.

I’ve always been reserved, quiet, and to myself. Not really putting myself out there. Keeping myself closed from things. I had this idea that if something was meant to come into your life it would come. Though, as I grew older I soon realized that if I am not open to anything, nothing in my life would happen. Life would simply be meaningless and boring.

Becoming Independent

Independent to me means: working, making big life decisions on your own, going places you never been.

Ever since I was younger I began helping my parents make difficult decisions, or simply make my own. When I was in my second year of college I found out I was pregnant and so I remember it being a difficult time for me. Quitting the university was never an option for me, I knew I was going to finish despite whatever people said about me.

I felt like I brought shame into my family because I would be a single mother. My parents had me on this pedestal and so they always made me feel like I always had to make right decisions. They still do. It sucks. But I figured it out on my own. They eventually came around and accepted me and my unborn child.

My pregnancy wasn’t easy, emotionally, it was difficult. And labor was brutal. I had an emergency C-Section because my daughter was wrapped around her umbilical cord and wasn’t able to breathe. I also was losing consciousness and don’t remember more about it. But, we both lived.

The most difficult time was after child labor when I went through postpartum depression. I didn’t want to acknowledge that something was wrong and I was so good at hiding my emotions. But, I was seriously miserable. I felt alone, and sometimes didn’t even want to hold my daughter. I felt like I wasn’t good enough or even knew how to love her. Then I began to hate myself.

After seeking help I started to progress to do better. I was able to learn on how to acknowledge my emotions and I did improve.

As I look back on my sad days, difficult days, happy days, and my entire decade I am proud of where I am today. Some days are difficult, but that’s life unfortunately. I just have to keep working harder on doing what I want.

A New Decade

As a new year approaches us, I look forward to see where I will be going. This time, I will not set up expectations and goals. Instead, I’ll take things day by day, learn to moderate things, and try to go places I never been. The upcoming years are full of exciting new opportunities to learn new things, make new memories, and just grow as a person.

If you’ve read up to here, I appreciate you and wish you a wonderful holiday season. May the new year be exciting and wonderful to you. I’ve been a bit busy with work, but I hope to catch you before the new year.

XOXO,
Zayra

Life is Bananas (aka life of z)

Hey friend,
About a few weeks ago I started a little experiment of my life in a week where I wanted to capture my daily life through a series of photos. Whether it was random things I saw or things that inspired me. And honestly, it didn’t work for me. I always forgot to take photos and I felt more inspired through my words rather than through an image. As we know, it’s quite difficult to capture stories through a lens. Or simply, I don’t have an eye for it.

However, I felt like I am more of a story teller through my writings. Ironically, I am awful at updating my blog with stories… Anyway, the point is that life is always changing and so are people.

When you try something out and it doesn’t work for you it’s okay to change your mind about it. Life isn’t perfect. Life is always unstable and unexpected. It will take you through places you don’t want to be. Bearable or unbearable, life will put you through the best and worst situations and it is up to us to make the best out of it.

i am a writer

I will never not love to write. I shall proclaim, I am a writer!

I write for myself and for those who stumble upon my work and can relate to my stories. My work isn’t professional, it’s personal as all things should be. Getting to know people and such… I enjoy a nice long chat with people, connecting and learning their stories. Seeing people for who they are and what they yearn for.

Life is bananas, I have so many interests and am always trying to take up new hobbies. But that’s life. If we didn’t do anything what is the point of it? There is so much to try and so much to learn. Why sit around doing nothing all day?

(okay, you can totally binge watch your favorite shows!)

Anyway, this blog. is a mess, an actual representation of my brain. One day I’m all about cooking, the next it’s about the beauty of painting, coloring, reading, knitting, etc… I will never not just write about one thing because there is SO MUCH TO WRITE ABOUT!

LIFE. IS. SHORT. LET’S. GO.

see you next time, thank you for reading. love you…

XOXO,
z

Life of Z: Weeks 4 & 5

Hello there!
Happy November my friend, have you been reading my words? Have you been enjoying my photos? Life is always moving so quickly and I try to capture as much as I can through photos. Though, I love living in the moment.

Aren’t we all just strangers trying to put ourselves out there?

Make time to read.

Make time to create.

Make time to unwind.

Gratitude

November is special to me because I make the time to reflect on the many great things going on in my life. The opportunities and blessings I have. I try to remind myself daily to be thankful for everything.

When life feels unfair, I just tell myself to look back and see my accomplishments. If something didn’t work out there was a reason. A reason that I don’t understand now. Whether it was timing in life, a door closing or another one opening. Life is really special and strange to understand.

As we wind down to the last weeks and month of this year remind yourself to make time for you. Be thankful for the people around you. For your existence. While holidays are meant to bring people together, these days makes us feel stressed out and burnt out.

Let us forget about the things we want, but think of the wonderful life we already have…

Thank you, if you read this far, thank you for reading my ramblings. I love writing and sharing my words. And I hope you can relate to whatever I say or not. haha…

Talk soon.
XOXO,
Z

Life of Z: Week 3

Hey there!
As I write to reflect the past I realize how long and busy it was. I can’t remember the last time I sat to enjoy doing nothing. Working two jobs back to back is no joke. Seriously, I’m super tired.

However, through all the madness I managed to SURVIVE!
It wasn’t easy, and honestly all I wished was to do was sleep in.
My body has adjusted to naturally get up and go at the crack of dawn and I’m like whyyyyy??? Anyway, Halloween week is finally coming and the next month!!
Now, let me share some of my favorite snaps of this past week.

Life moves fast so lets capture as much as we can.

Lucky to catch the sunrise every morning

worked on a school project with my daughter!

Sunday night chocolate chip pumpkin bread FTW

Afterthoughts!!!

As the new week approaches, I want to remind myself to be thankful for all the blessings and great opportunities life has for me. For a long time I spent my days wondering when life would bring new and great opportunities. I realized that it all works out after you work hard.

Work hard today and play harder tomorrow. LOL as cliche as that sounds it’s so true. Opportunity doesn’t just fall down on you, we must build the paths to get on the main road… whatever that means right?

This new week will be another busy one for me, however, I am ready! I have planned as much as I can and am anticipating it!

🦇 Happy Halloween and have a wonderful week! 🎃

XOXO,
Z

Life of Z: Week 2

Hello!
This week is extraordinary out of my comfort zone. I usually don’t tend to go out much because I get anxious or simply don’t want to go out. However, I started a new job and that pushed me to get out of my zone a bit. I am a bus commuter so it was interesting to take a couple buses just to get to work on time. Anyhow, this week(end) was very anticipated for daughter and myself. I hosted her first Halloween party.

Through all the running around from store to store; here are some photos I was able to capture…. haha oops.

Sunday Breakfast at IHOP and we tried Morticia’s Haunted Hot Chocolate… Looks like spooky goop lol

Week 3 starts tomorrow…
Please let me know how your weeks are going~~~
Take care, XOXO
Z