HELLO JUNE!!! How are you friends? Are you still there? It’s been a hot minute since I last wrote about something or have made something to share with the web. I’ve been a been under the weather. I was going through some crazy health issues and was really in a place that I hate to be in.
I relapsed. I let myself fall into that dark place. I let all the bad consume me whole. All of light turned grey and all of joy was lost. I started to feel the comfort behind it. I suddenly became a passenger to my anxiety, letting it take control of what I would do and how I would feel. Like an addict I didn’t feel life. I didn’t allow myself to live as I try to do.
But, I’m here, I’m back. I’m feeling better and I want to get to work on the things I love the most. I want to write. I want to inspire. And I want to cook all the food I can.
I’m so glad that summer is arriving, while I don’t love the heat I do enjoy spending the day out, going on mini trips, having BBQ’s, and spend the time with my friends and family. While my budget is limited, I do want to have fun with my daughter. And most of all, I want to enjoy LIFE.
My June intentions are:
Exercise & EAT
Enjoy the outdoors [WALK, RUN, JUMP, BREATHE, GO TO THE BEACH]
Most of all LIVE, don’t allow anxiety to take over.
Take Lots of pictures!!!
And if you’ve read this far, you enjoy all of this too. I will write to you soon!!
Happy May 1st!
I cannot believe that we already are in May. The days keep passing by so quickly.
I hope it’s going well.
I’m writing a short post today.
It definitely has been a hasty year thus far. I have to remind myself to take a deep breath more than usual these days. Never did I realize that life would be making me feel so stressed out. While in school I always figured that stuff would get better. Always looking at the bright side right? It’s good to be optimistic about life and how you’re going to be.
And it’s also okay to not be.
Stress has been consuming me. Sometimes I feel like I’m stressing myself out for not being where I want to be in life. Not achieving my goals and not being able to get the things I need. I’m feeling restrained from being successful and doing more.
Not only do I feel stressed, it’s also taking a toll on my health. I’m feeling more tired than usual, feeling anxious, and not being able to sleep most nights.
I’ll lay in bed dose off for a bit and immediately wake up. And just when I feel like I could get a good night rest I feel more exhausted.
When I’m feeling like I can’t breathe I try to remind myself to relax.
Ask myself if whatever it is worth making you feel sick.
Go for a walk.
Do nothing. Whatever I can to make myself feel better.
Life has been a little chaotic and I’m trying to be more proactive to my writing. I’m just always making excuses to not continue my work.
I must I remind myself. Life is too short. Don’t stay mad at silly things. Focus on yourself.
Hello, I hope you’ve been doing well! I guess you can say that I thoroughly enjoying spending my time being off the web. Ever since quitting some major social media platforms I have found some peace in my anxiety. While I do spend some time on Instagram, I like to go through my old picture albums in my phone and computer.
On my phone, my first photos are dated back to May 2012 with just one photo of myself standing by the coast posing. Then it skips to January 13, 2015, the day my daughter was born. As I browse through my photos I realized that I have thousands of photos of my daughter. I think to myself, “aw, what sweet memories.” However, I notice a change in photos where I am in.
In many photos of myself I tend to hide behind my daughter. I cover my face and body, or I simply take photos of only my face. It’s never a full shot of myself posing or anything. There are a few exceptions though, a few of my selfies include the typical duck lips pose or me simply smiling.
What I realized through these photos is that I lost touch of myself. I am afraid to take a picture, but mostly, I am afraid to look back at the image of myself. I don’t have the same confidence as I did a year ago. And I find it astonishing how anxiety and depression do take a toll on your physical appearance. As I write to you, I want you to know that these are the types of habits I am trying to overcome.
Expectations of Yourself vs. Reality
It’s hard to understand why when you have all these anxieties, you really are your own enemy. I remember feeling so great taking photos of myself to then look over them afterward and notice all my blemishes and instead of feeding myself positive things I spiraled into negativity. And it’s not only when you take photos of yourself, it’s everyday life.
When you walk past the mirror and notice all your imperfections. Talk yourself down, and feel miserable about the way you look. It sucks, in my eyes I feel like a monster looking back at my reflection. And in reality that monster is an insecure anxiety that tries to take over my life.
Going down this road has led me to not care about the way I look. Not because it don’t want too, but simply because in a way I gave up. I figured, I’m never going to look like a magazine cover girl so why try? Instead of trying to make myself feel better I let it dictate me. Living off sweats and a crazy bun. Calling my look the “mom look,” because I made excuses for myself that I was too busy to care for myself. And if I don’t take care of myself, no one will.
I lost touch with myself…
I don’t have answers to how I will fix this, but I will take my previous written advice to change this. Create healthy habits, & actually TRY to do something nice for myself.
Reminder for myself: It’s important to be kind to yourself, this includes the way you look at yourself. Don’t talk down to your body because it has gone through a lot. It has created life and it’s tired of you being so cruel to it. And as cliche , “Your body is a temple.”
Once we create a better relationship with our bodies, a lot can happen… I’ll keep you posted. XOXO, Zayra
Hello, I hope you have been well. March has finally arrived and Spring is right around the corner. So far, this year has been moving by so quickly. Even if I don’t realize it the last month came to an end very quickly.
I am very much looking forward to Spring and sunny days, and while I have been enjoying this lovely California rain I think it’s time for some light.
If you’ve been following me along for a while now you’ll know that I have terrible anxiety and have been able to manage it at most times. However, lately, these past few weeks I found myself anxious about everything. Anxious to the point of not being able to sleep for days.
There is really no explanation or reason for me to feel this way. Life has been good, yet, I can’t seem to find the joy in it. It’s really overwhelming, especially, when it puts your life on a pause.
Even though the days go by so quickly, the hours feel so long for me. I’ll try to find things to do that could make me feel better (i.e.: exercise, taking a bath/shower, watching funny shows.) And while those are only temporary mood boosters I keep finding myself constantly out of it. Worrying about nothing all the time. I’ll get lost in my own mind going through a spiral of thoughts that are never-ending and truly exhausting.
What’s wrong with me?
That’s the first thing that comes to me when I do this and allow for anxiety to make me feel so miserable and lost. It’s not that I am unhappy, but I am also not happy. If that makes any sense.
Anxiety just takes over my life as if it’s the boss of me. Demanding me to get upset at everything. Taking my creativity, getting rid of my passions, sucking the joy out of life. Anxiety is a monster who is prying on me. Waiting for me to have a weak moment so it can conquer my body.
Nothing is wrong with you!
Just like this photo. Anxiety to me is like a storm that passes by. I know that once it has gone the sun will come out and will shed light on all beautiful things.
And so, I take my resolutions and goals I gave myself and do all the things that will help me be the best me.
I hope it’s been good for you. January was neverending and much busier than the holidays! I didn’t know that was possible.
Welcome to February where the flowers beging to bloom, the air and seasons are Changing rapidly and there’s love in the air!
Last year I wrote a post about how love should be celebrated everyday and not specifically for one day! I still believe that we should love one another and spread the love every day we live.
Spread love for someone special, a loved one, but mostly love for yourself. As 2018 was quickly ending I made it a goal for myself to love myself, learn healthier habits, and simply grow as a person. I’m not going to lie, it’s been difficult. Its not a mathematical problem where you spend some time and figure it out but it’s more than just numbers. It take days, weeks, and even months to get to a place where you want to be. However, it takes sacrifice and hard work to achieve success or even a personal goal.
My ultimate goal for the new year is to lose weight and be a healthier version of myself physically and mentally. So I have been trying a different approach to it and not looking at it as if there’s an end game or goal weight. I believe that diets are so absurd and sometimes very unhealthy. And with my experience in the past I found that they’re mostly temporary. Instead, my goal is to look at this goal in another way and just work on the foundation to being healthy.
Since the new year began I have been keeping track of my steps on a fitness watch. Walking around everywhere and finding a reason to be on my feet other than when I’m at work! I stated that having a dog is really awesome because you can just take them for a walk, but really you’re walking yourself haha..
My biggest struggle is food.
I love to eat. I live for it. I love cooking and baking and man I have a huge sweet tooth. Truly the biggest thing in the way of being healthy is the way I handle food and my relationship with it.
Either I overeat in one sitting or eat so little that I’ll eat badly later on in the day. It’s often hard to find an in between and balance. I have found that planning ahead is a huge deal.
Though, sometimes, you just need to be strict on yourself. I need to take care of my self and care about what I use to fuel my body. It’s hard, but I will work on being better at it. Strict doesn’t necessarily mean to be hard on yourself. Since February is the month of love you need to appreciate yourself and mainly take care of yourself. Build a loving relationship with the person you are and the person you want to be. Build a relationship that is loving in the end with the way you see food.
Hey friend, You ever feel like what am I doing with my life? Feeling so unfulfilled with what you are doing or not being in the place you wish to be? Yeah? Because that’s exactly where I am. Because I feel this way I do not feel motivated to do anything. I do not want to create anything and it just kind of sucks.
I don’t have any solutions for it other than to try and find something to motivate myself with. I like to hide behind my fear, my doubt, and my insecurities because its comfortable. I have made it a home for myself and maybe that is the problem.
I try an analyze myself and figure out what is wrong with me and I never ask myself what is right about me. It is always that pessimistic evil voice inside me trying to dictate the joy and happiness within me. Bossing them around and ultimately making me feel unhappy about everything. And that same voice is reassuring me that I am safe within my false reality of life.
So, what am I doing?
I am slowly pushing myself out of that place, not trying to listen to that voice. It is hard and something I have been struggling with for a long time. Am I willing to commit to myself and just truly be the best me this year or let this anxiety life take over?
No, I will not let anxiety suck the fun out of me. I will not let it make me become someone who I am not. I will commit to be the best me because I want to grow, I want to see new places, I want to try new foods, I want to be the me I always dreamed of.
So friend, if you are reading this and can relate lets both try and be better for ourselves. Let us push ourselves a little bit each day from our comfort and insecurities and just do the things we want to do.
Hey friends, As the new year is slowly, but quickly approaching all I keep thinking about is #NewYearNewMe. It’s so crazy how we begin a brand new year full of hope and resolutions. Yet, we can’t seem to keep up with them. According to an article on the Business Insider, “80% of people fail to stick to their New Year’s resolutions for longer than six weeks.” Many of them are about trying to obtain healthy exercise habits and being more physically active. Resolutions fail because we make all these unattainable goals for ourselves! We think that just because it’s a new year that we get to restart. Well, we aren’t that wrong. We just need to make these resolutions attainable and realistic!!!!
If you’re anything like me you have been trying for the longest to get fit, eat healthier, and just overall improve your health. But…… You are lacking the most important factor in keeping up with a routine. MOTIVATION!
I told myself at the beginning of the year that I was going to do it! I came into the year with a strong approach and quickly failed… Mainly because I went cold turkey with a lot of the things I ate and I just didn’t have the strong will-power I used too.
I find excuses to not do any exercise and it’s getting to the point where I’m just like yeah no excuse, I’m just lazy. I keep thinking back to when I was 17 years young and I was working out like crazy. I was so focused and motivated, but also, I had all of the time of the world.
Even though I had all the time of the world, I remember that my 17 year old self was up to something. I wasn’t only pushing myself out of my comfortable limit, I was trying to balance my health all together.
Something I remember was literally training yourself to eat better. It was as if I was a newborn baby learning to eat foods that are good for you and I introduced myself to many delicious vegetables and fruits. I always hated the taste of zucchini, onions, and dear goodness I didn’t know what flavor was! My palate was so bland and tasteless. Training my new taste buds meant that I had to slowly get rid of sugars, bad carbs, and junk food. It was hard, but I did it!
My plan to become healthier: 1. Start getting rid of added sugars, bad carbs, junk food. 2. Create an exercise routine that is achievable and doable. 3. Make exercise fun, think of different ways to incorporate a walk, run, etc. 4. Don’t make yourself feel guilty if you have a cheat snack/meal. 5. Train your taste buds to like REAL food! 6. When you’re feeling lazy, go for a walk, or walk the dogs!
So far, I’m starting a bit early just to get that routine going! I’m trying to cut out sugar and I’m proud of myself because I now enjoy coffee without sugar! I do however add some liquid creamer… I’m working on that though! In the meanwhile, I am learning to eat smaller portions and mindfully enjoy my food. And if you have any suggestions, please send them my way!
Today’s post is much different from my others. It’s more of a rant than a story about growth and such forth. While I always try to remain positive in my life about things because I firmly believe that good things come when you work hard and try to be a good person. Call me naive if you’d like, but I really do believe it.
I have a strong work ethic and am always trying to learn as I go. I take every opportunity I get as a learning experience. Whether it is a rejection or opportunity I put myself out there to the universe.
So in the past year I completed my education in Communications, I enjoyed it very much and I knew from the beginning that it wasn’t going to be an easy career choice. I learned from my professors and enjoyed every opportunity that the University had to offer. However, reality struck and everything sank in that I really didn’t have anywhere to go…
I would ask myself if I made the right decision? But, I loved my education and the focus of my study so much. I wanted to get out there and learn more! I knew I needed to stop doubting myself because only I can guide my life path right??
Or so I believe, well you know how in life sometimes hardships just kind of like to get in the way of things? Yep. That’s my life.
Perhaps, I’m simply a terrible decision maker.
At 19 years old I found myself pregnant. I didn’t let that stigma define me. I continued with my education. I stayed up and studied hard. I cried a lot too. (Could of been the hormones LOL).
Anyway, I did my education for myself and my daughter because I wanted to show her that no matter what life threw at you, you just catch it and go with it! Make the best damn life you could because we only get one!
Flash forward to today, I know that when you finish school you won’t get the job of your dreams immediately. Unless you’re in one of those RomCom movies where the girl who always had bad luck was suddenly struck with good luck…
Life doesn’t “always” work that way, sometimes it’ll be years before you find the perfect job or profession. But, that’s not the point of this story of mine.
This rant is about the high expectations and standards employers have.
When doing hours of searching through different Job sites and even company websites I always find all these crazy requirements or MUST experience in order to be considered for the position. Such as: must have 3-4 years of experience in social media. And these are all for entry-level and even internship opportunities.
I understand that companies don’t want to spend their time or money on people who don’t have experience, but like how is one supposed to get experience if employers don’t take a chance on them! It genuinely sucks.
This is not a sob story though, I’m just writing to let the universe know that I will not stop trying. I will keep applying and they could reject me all they want! I will keep trying because I know that something good will come. Until then, I will keep writing. I will keep telling my stories. And I will still look at the good things I have in life.
I hope your Thanksgiving was well spent with good company and good vibes. Mine was quiet and relaxing, I spent my morning with my daughter and her father. We went on a nice afternoon walk to the park and we played hide-and-seek and tag. While we spent the afternoon in the park, I took the time to appreciate life and my surroundings. The wind, ocean, trees, and human interaction was astounding.
The atmosphere during the holidays is special because you get to see all the people coming together and interacting. It was all perfect in its own way. Well, perfect for me…
Dinner was also quiet and delicious. I cooked a ham, mashed potatoes, gravy, cornbread stuffing, Mac and cheese. I couldn’t have asked for more of the day.
If you read my November Intentions post I gave myself a few tasks to complete for the month. 1. was to be more present while spending time with my family (no screen time). 2. Give me some time to be creative. 3. Express gratefulness towards something daily and try to create a habit of it.
As I am wrapping up the month I’d like to say that I pretty much did as I hoped. When I quit Facebook and other social media platforms I found myself not spending as much time on my phone. Sure, I’d go on to check my Instagram account, however, it wasn’t the first thing I woke up to do. I really emphasized to myself to wake up and set the tone of the day by doing something else. Since then, I have found myself to be more creative and picking up my old reading habits. I’ve been writing a lot of short stories or just anything in my journals and I end up feeling very well.
Another thing I was working on was practicing gratitude/thankfulness for something daily. To be honest, I tried to not be repetitive to myself, but man! I’m truly blessed with everythingI have. I mean we all are. For the simple things to exist and all is simply a major thing to be grateful for.
Grateful for everything; feelings of joy and happiness.
November was truly good to me and I’m so happy to share these words with you. I can’t wait for what December has in store! We are going to end the last month of the year with a BANG!!!!!
I hope you’re doing well! I definitely have been caught up with life and getting sidetracked from creativity.
In my last post, I told you my intentions for the month of November and I have been challenging myself to keep myself working on them. It has been a challenging task to get myself to do the assignments that I make for myself… Let me tell you why though.
During the month of October, I was struck with an opportunity to write. This opportunity arrived when I was struck by creativity. You know that imagination, ideas or whatever you want. The ideas for writing purposely arrived in me. And I had to catch them. I envision this moment as I am writing on paper like a butterfly catcher with a net. Except. I was catching words onto my notebook. They were words for my blog and words for my idea book. I felt like I was on fire and I needed to catch them all. I needed to write word for word onto my notebook. And the ideas and creativity would not stop for one moment. I would find myself in the shower and BOOM… Creativity was right there.
Here is the thing about creativity though, it simply does not wait around for you to decide when it is the best time to welcome it. It comes and then it goes.
As Elizabeth Gilbert writes in Big Magic, “If inspiration is allowed to unexpectedly enter you, it is also allowed to unexpectedly exit you.”
That is what happened. I was riding creativity like a horse sprinting through a meadow and then we were abruptly stopped when we lost a sense of direction. And ever since then, we have been lost. We are lost, but not in a bad way.
Today, however, I ran into creativity and inspiration. Which guided me through writing these words. Because I want them to keep coming to me so that I have wonderful stories to tell and that I could share the things I love to do with you.
When I started this blog I had the intention to share the good, bad, and in between. I want to always be candid and real because all we ever do on social media is pretend we are someone we are not.
If you have been following me for a while you know that my blog is always changing and that is because of myself. I am always changing, always trying to be a better person, always trying to learn something new, trying to find my own happiness and grow.
So if you are ever confused about what my blog is about it is of all the things I love, my stories, my life. Me.
Please, I hope you enjoy my stories and continue coming back to me. I have so much to share.