Hey there! I hope you are doing well! You could call me the queen of procrastination because I never write, or put it aside… haha well. I just keep getting caught up in my life. My anxiety and always making excuses for myself. Like I just want to live and enjoy.
The other day I posted a photo of myself for World Mental Health Day, because I know there are a lot of people out there who suffer. Quietly, too. I am for sure one of those people. In this photo I captured myself feeling happy. And I try to look at it when I am feeling all anxious and unhappy.
So I wanted to try something new. I am the type of person to try many things in hopes of finding peace with my anxiety and hoping to find happiness along the way. I want to capture my everyday life with a photo. Whether it is of myself or something that makes me smile. I want to be more proactive for myself, to remind myself to be happy and enjoy life.
Hello friend, I’m still here. I hope you are well. It’s always busy for me, the days go by so fast even though the new weeks feel so far away. I’m anxious though, usually when life goes by so fast I don’t get a chance to think about the things that go on around me. I usually take the day as it comes and always make the best out of it. I’m just sharing my feelings today, nothing exciting.
Lately, though, I have been feeling extremely anxious. Could it be that spooky unlucky Friday the 13th kind of ordeal? I’m superstitious, though, I think this one is on me.
I write because it calms me and I become inspired so I wanted to tackle that spooky feeling off of me. Anxiety is spooky and really unhelpful if it falls on this day. I guess I may be unlucky? haha.
In all seriousness, I am anxious and it has been building up lately in my life. I’m anxious because I feel like I am trapped in my current state of life. Even though I work hard to move up in life I see no change. They say work hard and success follows. Never give up on yourself. Try harder. Be persistent. Push. And that is what I always do.
Except today, anxiety got the better of me and I let it consume me whole. And it is hard when you are fighting it daily, but I let it take me to a place I hate to be. I become physically exhausted for no apparent reason except because I allow worry to be only on my mind.
What am I worried about?
I am worried about not being in the place I want to be. Not having a better job, more opportunity, and not having the ability to provide for my family. And I cannot control life. My path is going somewhere I just have to remind myself to be patient and believe in myself.
Worrying about what I cannot control is useless.
The reality is that anxiety sucks and when you get sucked into it, it’s hard to get out sometimes. I wish I had the answers for getting rid of anxiety, but sometimes its best to just get up and go for a walk.
Just know, if you read this far, you’re not alone. Just because you feel like your life isn’t going anywhere doesn’t mean you are the only one. There are so many people who feel like you do and it’s okay to be a little sad, just try to remind yourself to not let it get the best of you. Tomorrow will be a better day, but you have the power to make that happen.
Drowning in our sorrows sucks the beauty of life. It’s not easy, but please a reminder you are not alone.
Hello! I hope you’re doing well. I can’t believe that June is almost over, summer in SOCAL has been gloomy and honestly, nice. I guess I’m one of those people who thrives in cold weather or cool weather (INSERT SUNGLASSES EMOJI). Haha, just kidding, we are all cool.
So, anxiety has been manageable and luckily enough I really have been feeling great these days. I know I sound repetitive, but it’s a method I use to remind myself that all things in life are doable, manageable. About a year or two ago I remember being so stuck in this dark cloud and found no joy in anything. I was scared to even go out for a while and my anxiety would not let me live. This past month I gave myself doable intentions.
I kept reminding myself to LIVE and enjoy + embrace the things that came along. Sure, there are hundreds of reasons to panic, but I didn’t allow myself to fall victim to my own enemies. So here’s what I did.
I Learned to Swim
I’m one of those adult kids who never learned to swim. Scratch that, I’m one of those adult kids who is was afraid to swim in the water. Something so natural that should instantly kick into gear when you jump in a pool right? I can’t remember exactly when this fear began, but I was at least 13 years old and I really wanted to swim. I was just so afraid. I do remember that a lot of it had to do with my own insecurities and my anxiety telling me I couldn’t do it.
Here’s the thing though, it’s not true. If I truly believed in myself I knew I could over come this fear. And, I did.
As I visited my aunt who has a nice pool in her backyard this past weekend, I glanced over at her pool as I always did when I came to visit. It was as if the pool, the water called for me. Yet, every single time I found an excuse to not get in. Not this time. While part of me still said, “no you can’t swim.” The other half, logical, said, “get in, don’t think about it and just do it.”
I stepped in, feet first, “it’s so cold” I told myself. And then I went all in. I was still in the shallow part of the pool so I can stand up completely. I got used to the temperature and then I started thinking about all the videos and things I’ve read on how to swim. Head up, push myself off the ground, move my legs and arms. Before you know it, I was doing it. I was swimming. I was a little scared naturally, but I kept doing it until I was tired.
Honestly, I know I still need more practice, but I couldn’t be more proud of myself. Sure, it was just learning to swim, but there is such a larger and deeper meaning to all of this. I am at a place where I feel confident in myself. I know I can do things and I’m not afraid to do them. When I felt like I was sinking a little bit, I pushed myself up as I always do when something in life brings me down. This was simply a physical representation of how much of a better place I am at with myself.
I’m not afraid to be me, I’m not afraid of my insecurities. I am capable of anything, just as you and everyone else is. Life will always come with its overbearing, tiresome, and difficult times. Though we must all sought out the good in things. We must let ourselves live. And we may surprise ourselves with things we didn’t already know…..
HELLO JUNE!!! How are you friends? Are you still there? It’s been a hot minute since I last wrote about something or have made something to share with the web. I’ve been a been under the weather. I was going through some crazy health issues and was really in a place that I hate to be in.
I relapsed. I let myself fall into that dark place. I let all the bad consume me whole. All of light turned grey and all of joy was lost. I started to feel the comfort behind it. I suddenly became a passenger to my anxiety, letting it take control of what I would do and how I would feel. Like an addict I didn’t feel life. I didn’t allow myself to live as I try to do.
But, I’m here, I’m back. I’m feeling better and I want to get to work on the things I love the most. I want to write. I want to inspire. And I want to cook all the food I can.
I’m so glad that summer is arriving, while I don’t love the heat I do enjoy spending the day out, going on mini trips, having BBQ’s, and spend the time with my friends and family. While my budget is limited, I do want to have fun with my daughter. And most of all, I want to enjoy LIFE.
My June intentions are:
Exercise & EAT
Enjoy the outdoors [WALK, RUN, JUMP, BREATHE, GO TO THE BEACH]
Most of all LIVE, don’t allow anxiety to take over.
Take Lots of pictures!!!
And if you’ve read this far, you enjoy all of this too. I will write to you soon!!
Happy May 1st!
I cannot believe that we already are in May. The days keep passing by so quickly.
I hope it’s going well.
I’m writing a short post today.
It definitely has been a hasty year thus far. I have to remind myself to take a deep breath more than usual these days. Never did I realize that life would be making me feel so stressed out. While in school I always figured that stuff would get better. Always looking at the bright side right? It’s good to be optimistic about life and how you’re going to be.
And it’s also okay to not be.
Stress has been consuming me. Sometimes I feel like I’m stressing myself out for not being where I want to be in life. Not achieving my goals and not being able to get the things I need. I’m feeling restrained from being successful and doing more.
Not only do I feel stressed, it’s also taking a toll on my health. I’m feeling more tired than usual, feeling anxious, and not being able to sleep most nights.
I’ll lay in bed dose off for a bit and immediately wake up. And just when I feel like I could get a good night rest I feel more exhausted.
When I’m feeling like I can’t breathe I try to remind myself to relax.
Ask myself if whatever it is worth making you feel sick.
Go for a walk.
Do nothing. Whatever I can to make myself feel better.
Life has been a little chaotic and I’m trying to be more proactive to my writing. I’m just always making excuses to not continue my work.
I must I remind myself. Life is too short. Don’t stay mad at silly things. Focus on yourself.
Hello, I hope you’ve been doing well! I guess you can say that I thoroughly enjoying spending my time being off the web. Ever since quitting some major social media platforms I have found some peace in my anxiety. While I do spend some time on Instagram, I like to go through my old picture albums in my phone and computer.
On my phone, my first photos are dated back to May 2012 with just one photo of myself standing by the coast posing. Then it skips to January 13, 2015, the day my daughter was born. As I browse through my photos I realized that I have thousands of photos of my daughter. I think to myself, “aw, what sweet memories.” However, I notice a change in photos where I am in.
In many photos of myself I tend to hide behind my daughter. I cover my face and body, or I simply take photos of only my face. It’s never a full shot of myself posing or anything. There are a few exceptions though, a few of my selfies include the typical duck lips pose or me simply smiling.
What I realized through these photos is that I lost touch of myself. I am afraid to take a picture, but mostly, I am afraid to look back at the image of myself. I don’t have the same confidence as I did a year ago. And I find it astonishing how anxiety and depression do take a toll on your physical appearance. As I write to you, I want you to know that these are the types of habits I am trying to overcome.
Expectations of Yourself vs. Reality
It’s hard to understand why when you have all these anxieties, you really are your own enemy. I remember feeling so great taking photos of myself to then look over them afterward and notice all my blemishes and instead of feeding myself positive things I spiraled into negativity. And it’s not only when you take photos of yourself, it’s everyday life.
When you walk past the mirror and notice all your imperfections. Talk yourself down, and feel miserable about the way you look. It sucks, in my eyes I feel like a monster looking back at my reflection. And in reality that monster is an insecure anxiety that tries to take over my life.
Going down this road has led me to not care about the way I look. Not because it don’t want too, but simply because in a way I gave up. I figured, I’m never going to look like a magazine cover girl so why try? Instead of trying to make myself feel better I let it dictate me. Living off sweats and a crazy bun. Calling my look the “mom look,” because I made excuses for myself that I was too busy to care for myself. And if I don’t take care of myself, no one will.
I lost touch with myself…
I don’t have answers to how I will fix this, but I will take my previous written advice to change this. Create healthy habits, & actually TRY to do something nice for myself.
Reminder for myself: It’s important to be kind to yourself, this includes the way you look at yourself. Don’t talk down to your body because it has gone through a lot. It has created life and it’s tired of you being so cruel to it. And as cliche , “Your body is a temple.”
Once we create a better relationship with our bodies, a lot can happen… I’ll keep you posted. XOXO, Zayra
Hello, I hope you have been well. March has finally arrived and Spring is right around the corner. So far, this year has been moving by so quickly. Even if I don’t realize it the last month came to an end very quickly.
I am very much looking forward to Spring and sunny days, and while I have been enjoying this lovely California rain I think it’s time for some light.
If you’ve been following me along for a while now you’ll know that I have terrible anxiety and have been able to manage it at most times. However, lately, these past few weeks I found myself anxious about everything. Anxious to the point of not being able to sleep for days.
There is really no explanation or reason for me to feel this way. Life has been good, yet, I can’t seem to find the joy in it. It’s really overwhelming, especially, when it puts your life on a pause.
Even though the days go by so quickly, the hours feel so long for me. I’ll try to find things to do that could make me feel better (i.e.: exercise, taking a bath/shower, watching funny shows.) And while those are only temporary mood boosters I keep finding myself constantly out of it. Worrying about nothing all the time. I’ll get lost in my own mind going through a spiral of thoughts that are never-ending and truly exhausting.
What’s wrong with me?
That’s the first thing that comes to me when I do this and allow for anxiety to make me feel so miserable and lost. It’s not that I am unhappy, but I am also not happy. If that makes any sense.
Anxiety just takes over my life as if it’s the boss of me. Demanding me to get upset at everything. Taking my creativity, getting rid of my passions, sucking the joy out of life. Anxiety is a monster who is prying on me. Waiting for me to have a weak moment so it can conquer my body.
Nothing is wrong with you!
Just like this photo. Anxiety to me is like a storm that passes by. I know that once it has gone the sun will come out and will shed light on all beautiful things.
And so, I take my resolutions and goals I gave myself and do all the things that will help me be the best me.
Hey friend, You ever feel like what am I doing with my life? Feeling so unfulfilled with what you are doing or not being in the place you wish to be? Yeah? Because that’s exactly where I am. Because I feel this way I do not feel motivated to do anything. I do not want to create anything and it just kind of sucks.
I don’t have any solutions for it other than to try and find something to motivate myself with. I like to hide behind my fear, my doubt, and my insecurities because its comfortable. I have made it a home for myself and maybe that is the problem.
I try an analyze myself and figure out what is wrong with me and I never ask myself what is right about me. It is always that pessimistic evil voice inside me trying to dictate the joy and happiness within me. Bossing them around and ultimately making me feel unhappy about everything. And that same voice is reassuring me that I am safe within my false reality of life.
So, what am I doing?
I am slowly pushing myself out of that place, not trying to listen to that voice. It is hard and something I have been struggling with for a long time. Am I willing to commit to myself and just truly be the best me this year or let this anxiety life take over?
No, I will not let anxiety suck the fun out of me. I will not let it make me become someone who I am not. I will commit to be the best me because I want to grow, I want to see new places, I want to try new foods, I want to be the me I always dreamed of.
So friend, if you are reading this and can relate lets both try and be better for ourselves. Let us push ourselves a little bit each day from our comfort and insecurities and just do the things we want to do.