Life of Z: Week 2

Hello!
This week is extraordinary out of my comfort zone. I usually don’t tend to go out much because I get anxious or simply don’t want to go out. However, I started a new job and that pushed me to get out of my zone a bit. I am a bus commuter so it was interesting to take a couple buses just to get to work on time. Anyhow, this week(end) was very anticipated for daughter and myself. I hosted her first Halloween party.

Through all the running around from store to store; here are some photos I was able to capture…. haha oops.

Party Ready!
Setting up for the Party!
Sunday Breakfast at IHOP and we tried Morticia’s Haunted Hot Chocolate… Looks like spooky goop lol

Week 3 starts tomorrow…
Please let me know how your weeks are going~~~
Take care, XOXO
Z

Life of Z: Week 1

Hey there!
I hope you are doing well! You could call me the queen of procrastination because I never write, or put it aside… haha well. I just keep getting caught up in my life. My anxiety and always making excuses for myself. Like I just want to live and enjoy.

The other day I posted a photo of myself for World Mental Health Day, because I know there are a lot of people out there who suffer. Quietly, too. I am for sure one of those people. In this photo I captured myself feeling happy. And I try to look at it when I am feeling all anxious and unhappy.

So I wanted to try something new. I am the type of person to try many things in hopes of finding peace with my anxiety and hoping to find happiness along the way. I want to capture my everyday life with a photo. Whether it is of myself or something that makes me smile. I want to be more proactive for myself, to remind myself to be happy and enjoy life.

So here’s my first week, with just few photos.

Michelle being all cute at the pumpkin patch!
A photo of me taken by my daughter

I look forward to doing this!
Take care, XOXO

When Anxiety Takes Over Your Life

Hello,
I hope you have been well.
March has finally arrived and Spring is right around the corner. So far, this year has been moving by so quickly. Even if I don’t realize it the last month came to an end very quickly.

I am very much looking forward to Spring and sunny days, and while I have been enjoying this lovely California rain I think it’s time for some light.

If you’ve been following me along for a while now you’ll know that I have terrible anxiety and have been able to manage it at most times. However, lately, these past few weeks I found myself anxious about everything. Anxious to the point of not being able to sleep for days.

There is really no explanation or reason for me to feel this way. Life has been good, yet, I can’t seem to find the joy in it. It’s really overwhelming, especially, when it puts your life on a pause.

Even though the days go by so quickly, the hours feel so long for me. I’ll try to find things to do that could make me feel better (i.e.: exercise, taking a bath/shower, watching funny shows.) And while those are only temporary mood boosters I keep finding myself constantly out of it. Worrying about nothing all the time. I’ll get lost in my own mind going through a spiral of thoughts that are never-ending and truly exhausting.

What’s wrong with me?

That’s the first thing that comes to me when I do this and allow for anxiety to make me feel so miserable and lost. It’s not that I am unhappy, but I am also not happy. If that makes any sense.

Anxiety just takes over my life as if it’s the boss of me. Demanding me to get upset at everything. Taking my creativity, getting rid of my passions, sucking the joy out of life. Anxiety is a monster who is prying on me. Waiting for me to have a weak moment so it can conquer my body.

Nothing is wrong with you!

Photo by Josephine Amalie Paysen on Unsplash

Just like this photo. Anxiety to me is like a storm that passes by. I know that once it has gone the sun will come out and will shed light on all beautiful things.

And so, I take my resolutions and goals I gave myself and do all the things that will help me be the best me.

Love and Health

Hello!
I hope it’s been good for you. January was neverending and much busier than the holidays! I didn’t know that was possible.

Welcome to February where the flowers beging to bloom, the air and seasons are Changing rapidly and there’s love in the air!

Last year I wrote a post about how love should be celebrated everyday and not specifically for one day! I still believe that we should love one another and spread the love every day we live.

Spread love for someone special, a loved one, but mostly love for yourself. As 2018 was quickly ending I made it a goal for myself to love myself, learn healthier habits, and simply grow as a person. I’m not going to lie, it’s been difficult. Its not a mathematical problem where you spend some time and figure it out but it’s more than just numbers. It take days, weeks, and even months to get to a place where you want to be. However, it takes sacrifice and hard work to achieve success or even a personal goal.

My ultimate goal for the new year is to lose weight and be a healthier version of myself physically and mentally. So I have been trying a different approach to it and not looking at it as if there’s an end game or goal weight. I believe that diets are so absurd and sometimes very unhealthy. And with my experience in the past I found that they’re mostly temporary. Instead, my goal is to look at this goal in another way and just work on the foundation to being healthy.

Since the new year began I have been keeping track of my steps on a fitness watch. Walking around everywhere and finding a reason to be on my feet other than when I’m at work! I stated that having a dog is really awesome because you can just take them for a walk, but really you’re walking yourself haha..

My biggest struggle is food.

I love to eat. I live for it. I love cooking and baking and man I have a huge sweet tooth. Truly the biggest thing in the way of being healthy is the way I handle food and my relationship with it.
Either I overeat in one sitting or eat so little that I’ll eat badly later on in the day. It’s often hard to find an in between and balance. I have found that planning ahead is a huge deal.

Though, sometimes, you just need to be strict on yourself. I need to take care of my self and care about what I use to fuel my body. It’s hard, but I will work on being better at it. Strict doesn’t necessarily mean to be hard on yourself. Since February is the month of love you need to appreciate yourself and mainly take care of yourself. Build a loving relationship with the person you are and the person you want to be. Build a relationship that is loving in the end with the way you see food.

Until then,
Much love.
-zayra

What am I doing?

Hey friend,
You ever feel like what am I doing with my life? Feeling so unfulfilled with what you are doing or not being in the place you wish to be? Yeah? Because that’s exactly where I am. Because I feel this way I do not feel motivated to do anything. I do not want to create anything and it just kind of sucks.


I don’t have any solutions for it other than to try and find something to motivate myself with.
I like to hide behind my fear, my doubt, and my insecurities because its comfortable. I have made it a home for myself and maybe that is the problem.

I try an analyze myself and figure out what is wrong with me and I never ask myself what is right about me. It is always that pessimistic evil voice inside me trying to dictate the joy and happiness within me. Bossing them around and ultimately making me feel unhappy about everything.
And that same voice is reassuring me that I am safe within my false reality of life.

So, what am I doing?

I am slowly pushing myself out of that place, not trying to listen to that voice. It is hard and something I have been struggling with for a long time. Am I willing to commit to myself and just truly be the best me this year or let this anxiety life take over?

No, I will not let anxiety suck the fun out of me. I will not let it make me become someone who I am not. I will commit to be the best me because I want to grow, I want to see new places, I want to try new foods, I want to be the me I always dreamed of.

So friend, if you are reading this and can relate lets both try and be better for ourselves. Let us push ourselves a little bit each day from our comfort and insecurities and just do the things we want to do.

Much love,
zayra xoxo

Why do resolutions fail? My plan to be the best me in the New Year!

Hey friends,
As the new year is slowly, but quickly approaching all I keep thinking about is #NewYearNewMe. It’s so crazy how we begin a brand new year full of hope and resolutions. Yet, we can’t seem to keep up with them.
According to an article on the Business Insider, “80% of people fail to stick to their New Year’s resolutions for longer than six weeks.” Many of them are about trying to obtain healthy exercise habits and being more physically active. Resolutions fail because we make all these unattainable goals for ourselves! We think that just because it’s a new year that we get to restart. Well, we aren’t that wrong. We just need to make these resolutions attainable and realistic!!!!

If you’re anything like me you have been trying for the longest to get fit, eat healthier, and just overall improve your health. But…… You are lacking the most important factor in keeping up with a routine. MOTIVATION!

I told myself at the beginning of the year that I was going to do it! I came into the year with a strong approach and quickly failed… Mainly because I went cold turkey with a lot of the things I ate and I just didn’t have the strong will-power I used too.

I find excuses to not do any exercise and it’s getting to the point where I’m just like yeah no excuse, I’m just lazy. I keep thinking back to when I was 17 years young and I was working out like crazy. I was so focused and motivated, but also, I had all of the time of the world.

Even though I had all the time of the world, I remember that my 17 year old self was up to something. I wasn’t only pushing myself out of my comfortable limit, I was trying to balance my health all together.

Something I remember was literally training yourself to eat better. It was as if I was a newborn baby learning to eat foods that are good for you and I introduced myself to many delicious vegetables and fruits. I always hated the taste of zucchini, onions, and dear goodness I didn’t know what flavor was! My palate was so bland and tasteless.
Training my new taste buds meant that I had to slowly get rid of sugars, bad carbs, and junk food. It was hard, but I did it!

#NewYearNewMe

My plan to become healthier:
1. Start getting rid of added sugars, bad carbs, junk food.
2. Create an exercise routine that is achievable and doable.
3. Make exercise fun, think of different ways to incorporate a walk, run, etc.
4. Don’t make yourself feel guilty if you have a cheat snack/meal.
5. Train your taste buds to like REALĀ food!
6. When you’re feeling lazy, go for a walk, or walk the dogs!

So far, I’m starting a bit early just to get that routine going! I’m trying to cut out sugar and I’m proud of myself because I now enjoy coffee without sugar! I do however add some liquid creamer… I’m working on that though! In the meanwhile, I am learning to eat smaller portions and mindfully enjoy my food. And if you have any suggestions, please send them my way!

XOXO,
Zayra!

Life After the University

Hello friends, 

Today’s post is much different from my others. It’s more of a rant than a story about growth and such forth. While I always try to remain positive in my life about things because I firmly believe that good things come when you work hard and try to be a good person. Call me naive if you’d like, but I really do believe it.

I have a strong work ethic and am always trying to learn as I go. I take every opportunity I get as a learning experience. Whether it is a rejection or opportunity I put myself out there to the universe. 

So in the past year I completed my education in Communications, I enjoyed it very much and I knew from the beginning that it wasn’t going to be an easy career choice. I learned from my professors and enjoyed every opportunity that the University had to offer. However, reality struck and everything sank in that I really didn’t have anywhere to go…

I would ask myself if I made the right decision? But, I loved my education and the focus of my study so much. I wanted to get out there and learn more! I knew I needed to stop doubting myself because only I can guide my life path right?? 

Or so I believe, well you know how in life sometimes hardships just kind of like to get in the way of things? Yep. That’s my life. 

Perhaps, I’m simply a terrible decision maker.

At 19 years old I found myself pregnant. I didn’t let that stigma define me. I continued with my education. I stayed up and studied hard. I cried a lot too. (Could of been the hormones LOL). 

Anyway, I did my education for myself and my daughter because I wanted to show her that no matter what life threw at you, you just catch it and go with it! Make the best damn life you could because we only get one!

Flash forward to today, I know that when you finish school you won’t get the job of your dreams immediately. Unless you’re in one of those RomCom movies where the girl who always had bad luck was suddenly struck with good luck…

Life doesn’t “always” work that way, sometimes it’ll be years before you find the perfect job or profession. But, that’s not the point of this story of mine.

This rant is about the high expectations and standards employers have. 

When doing hours of searching through different Job sites and even company websites I always find all these crazy requirements or MUST experience in order to be considered for the position. Such as: must have 3-4 years of experience in social media. And these are all for entry-level and even internship opportunities. 

I understand that companies don’t want to spend their time or money on people who don’t have experience, but like how is one supposed to get experience if employers don’t take a chance on them! It genuinely sucks.  

This is not a sob story though, I’m just writing to let the universe know that I will not stop trying. I will keep applying and they could reject me all they want! I will keep trying because I know that something good will come. 
Until then, I will keep writing. I will keep telling my stories. And I will still look at the good things I have in life. 

I’ll keep in touch!
XOXO
-Zayra