Overcoming Fears

Hello!
I hope you’re doing well. I can’t believe that June is almost over, summer in SOCAL has been gloomy and honestly, nice. I guess I’m one of those people who thrives in cold weather or cool weather (INSERT SUNGLASSES EMOJI). Haha, just kidding, we are all cool.

So, anxiety has been manageable and luckily enough I really have been feeling great these days. I know I sound repetitive, but it’s a method I use to remind myself that all things in life are doable, manageable. About a year or two ago I remember being so stuck in this dark cloud and found no joy in anything. I was scared to even go out for a while and my anxiety would not let me live. This past month I gave myself doable intentions.

I kept reminding myself to LIVE and enjoy + embrace the things that came along. Sure, there are hundreds of reasons to panic, but I didn’t allow myself to fall victim to my own enemies. So here’s what I did.

I Learned to Swim

I’m one of those adult kids who never learned to swim. Scratch that, I’m one of those adult kids who is was afraid to swim in the water. Something so natural that should instantly kick into gear when you jump in a pool right? I can’t remember exactly when this fear began, but I was at least 13 years old and I really wanted to swim. I was just so afraid. I do remember that a lot of it had to do with my own insecurities and my anxiety telling me I couldn’t do it.

Here’s the thing though, it’s not true. If I truly believed in myself I knew I could over come this fear. And, I did.

As I visited my aunt who has a nice pool in her backyard this past weekend, I glanced over at her pool as I always did when I came to visit. It was as if the pool, the water called for me. Yet, every single time I found an excuse to not get in. Not this time. While part of me still said, “no you can’t swim.” The other half, logical, said, “get in, don’t think about it and just do it.”

I stepped in, feet first, “it’s so cold” I told myself. And then I went all in. I was still in the shallow part of the pool so I can stand up completely. I got used to the temperature and then I started thinking about all the videos and things I’ve read on how to swim. Head up, push myself off the ground, move my legs and arms. Before you know it, I was doing it. I was swimming. I was a little scared naturally, but I kept doing it until I was tired.

Honestly, I know I still need more practice, but I couldn’t be more proud of myself. Sure, it was just learning to swim, but there is such a larger and deeper meaning to all of this. I am at a place where I feel confident in myself. I know I can do things and I’m not afraid to do them. When I felt like I was sinking a little bit, I pushed myself up as I always do when something in life brings me down. This was simply a physical representation of how much of a better place I am at with myself.

I’m not afraid to be me, I’m not afraid of my insecurities. I am capable of anything, just as you and everyone else is. Life will always come with its overbearing, tiresome, and difficult times. Though we must all sought out the good in things. We must let ourselves live. And we may surprise ourselves with things we didn’t already know…..

XOXO,
Zayra

June 2019

HELLO JUNE!!!
How are you friends? Are you still there? It’s been a hot minute since I last wrote about something or have made something to share with the web. I’ve been a been under the weather. I was going through some crazy health issues and was really in a place that I hate to be in.

I relapsed. I let myself fall into that dark place. I let all the bad consume me whole. All of light turned grey and all of joy was lost. I started to feel the comfort behind it. I suddenly became a passenger to my anxiety, letting it take control of what I would do and how I would feel. Like an addict I didn’t feel life. I didn’t allow myself to live as I try to do.

But, I’m here, I’m back. I’m feeling better and I want to get to work on the things I love the most. I want to write. I want to inspire. And I want to cook all the food I can.

Hello Summer

I’m so glad that summer is arriving, while I don’t love the heat I do enjoy spending the day out, going on mini trips, having BBQ’s, and spend the time with my friends and family. While my budget is limited, I do want to have fun with my daughter. And most of all, I want to enjoy LIFE.

My June intentions are:

  • Exercise & EAT
  • Enjoy the outdoors [WALK, RUN, JUMP, BREATHE, GO TO THE BEACH]
  • Most of all LIVE, don’t allow anxiety to take over.
  • Take Lots of pictures!!!

And if you’ve read this far, you enjoy all of this too. I will write to you soon!!

XOXO
Zayra (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

Stressed Out

Hello friend,

Happy May 1st!
I cannot believe that we already are in May. The days keep passing by so quickly.
I hope it’s going well.

I’m writing a short post today.

It definitely has been a hasty year thus far. I have to remind myself to take a deep breath more than usual these days. Never did I realize that life would be making me feel so stressed out. While in school I always figured that stuff would get better. Always looking at the bright side right? It’s good to be optimistic about life and how you’re going to be.

And it’s also okay to not be.

Stress has been consuming me. Sometimes I feel like I’m stressing myself out for not being where I want to be in life. Not achieving my goals and not being able to get the things I need. I’m feeling restrained from being successful and doing more.

Not only do I feel stressed, it’s also taking a toll on my health. I’m feeling more tired than usual, feeling anxious, and not being able to sleep most nights.

I’ll lay in bed dose off for a bit and immediately wake up. And just when I feel like I could get a good night rest I feel more exhausted.

Self Care:

  • When I’m feeling like I can’t breathe I try to remind myself to relax.
  • Ask myself if whatever it is worth making you feel sick.
  • Go for a walk.
  • Breathe.
  • Sit.
  • Do nothing. Whatever I can to make myself feel better.

Life has been a little chaotic and I’m trying to be more proactive to my writing. I’m just always making excuses to not continue my work.

I must I remind myself. Life is too short. Don’t stay mad at silly things. Focus on yourself.

Until then, take care.

-Z

Losing Touch with Myself

Hello,
I hope you’ve been doing well!
I guess you can say that I thoroughly enjoying spending my time being off the web. Ever since quitting some major social media platforms I have found some peace in my anxiety. While I do spend some time on Instagram, I like to go through my old picture albums in my phone and computer.

On my phone, my first photos are dated back to May 2012 with just one photo of myself standing by the coast posing. Then it skips to January 13, 2015, the day my daughter was born. As I browse through my photos I realized that I have thousands of photos of my daughter. I think to myself, “aw, what sweet memories.” However, I notice a change in photos where I am in.

In many photos of myself I tend to hide behind my daughter. I cover my face and body, or I simply take photos of only my face. It’s never a full shot of myself posing or anything. There are a few exceptions though, a few of my selfies include the typical duck lips pose or me simply smiling.

What I realized through these photos is that I lost touch of myself. I am afraid to take a picture, but mostly, I am afraid to look back at the image of myself. I don’t have the same confidence as I did a year ago. And I find it astonishing how anxiety and depression do take a toll on your physical appearance. As I write to you, I want you to know that these are the types of habits I am trying to overcome.

Expectations of Yourself vs. Reality

I remember when I was taking this I was feeling so good!!!

It’s hard to understand why when you have all these anxieties, you really are your own enemy. I remember feeling so great taking photos of myself to then look over them afterward and notice all my blemishes and instead of feeding myself positive things I spiraled into negativity. And it’s not only when you take photos of yourself, it’s everyday life.

When you walk past the mirror and notice all your imperfections. Talk yourself down, and feel miserable about the way you look. It sucks, in my eyes I feel like a monster looking back at my reflection. And in reality that monster is an insecure anxiety that tries to take over my life.

Going down this road has led me to not care about the way I look. Not because it don’t want too, but simply because in a way I gave up. I figured, I’m never going to look like a magazine cover girl so why try? Instead of trying to make myself feel better I let it dictate me. Living off sweats and a crazy bun. Calling my look the “mom look,” because I made excuses for myself that I was too busy to care for myself. And if I don’t take care of myself, no one will.

I lost touch with myself…

I don’t have answers to how I will fix this, but I will take my previous written advice to change this. Create healthy habits, & actually TRY to do something nice for myself.

Reminder for myself: It’s important to be kind to yourself, this includes the way you look at yourself. Don’t talk down to your body because it has gone through a lot. It has created life and it’s tired of you being so cruel to it. And as cliche , “Your body is a temple.”

Once we create a better relationship with our bodies, a lot can happen… I’ll keep you posted.
XOXO,
Zayra

Life After the University

Hello friends, 

Today’s post is much different from my others. It’s more of a rant than a story about growth and such forth. While I always try to remain positive in my life about things because I firmly believe that good things come when you work hard and try to be a good person. Call me naive if you’d like, but I really do believe it.

I have a strong work ethic and am always trying to learn as I go. I take every opportunity I get as a learning experience. Whether it is a rejection or opportunity I put myself out there to the universe. 

So in the past year I completed my education in Communications, I enjoyed it very much and I knew from the beginning that it wasn’t going to be an easy career choice. I learned from my professors and enjoyed every opportunity that the University had to offer. However, reality struck and everything sank in that I really didn’t have anywhere to go…

I would ask myself if I made the right decision? But, I loved my education and the focus of my study so much. I wanted to get out there and learn more! I knew I needed to stop doubting myself because only I can guide my life path right?? 

Or so I believe, well you know how in life sometimes hardships just kind of like to get in the way of things? Yep. That’s my life. 

Perhaps, I’m simply a terrible decision maker.

At 19 years old I found myself pregnant. I didn’t let that stigma define me. I continued with my education. I stayed up and studied hard. I cried a lot too. (Could of been the hormones LOL). 

Anyway, I did my education for myself and my daughter because I wanted to show her that no matter what life threw at you, you just catch it and go with it! Make the best damn life you could because we only get one!

Flash forward to today, I know that when you finish school you won’t get the job of your dreams immediately. Unless you’re in one of those RomCom movies where the girl who always had bad luck was suddenly struck with good luck…

Life doesn’t “always” work that way, sometimes it’ll be years before you find the perfect job or profession. But, that’s not the point of this story of mine.

This rant is about the high expectations and standards employers have. 

When doing hours of searching through different Job sites and even company websites I always find all these crazy requirements or MUST experience in order to be considered for the position. Such as: must have 3-4 years of experience in social media. And these are all for entry-level and even internship opportunities. 

I understand that companies don’t want to spend their time or money on people who don’t have experience, but like how is one supposed to get experience if employers don’t take a chance on them! It genuinely sucks.  

This is not a sob story though, I’m just writing to let the universe know that I will not stop trying. I will keep applying and they could reject me all they want! I will keep trying because I know that something good will come. 
Until then, I will keep writing. I will keep telling my stories. And I will still look at the good things I have in life. 

I’ll keep in touch!
XOXO
-Zayra

November Notes

Hello,

I hope your Thanksgiving was well spent with good company and good vibes. Mine was quiet and relaxing, I spent my morning with my daughter and her father. We went on a nice afternoon walk to the park and we played hide-and-seek and tag. While we spent the afternoon in the park, I took the time to appreciate life and my surroundings. The wind, ocean, trees, and human interaction was astounding.

The atmosphere during the holidays is special because you get to see all the people coming together and interacting. It was all perfect in its own way. Well, perfect for me…

Dinner was also quiet and delicious. I cooked a ham, mashed potatoes, gravy, cornbread stuffing, Mac and cheese. I couldn’t have asked for more of the day.

If you read my November Intentions post I gave myself a few tasks to complete for the month. 1. was to be more present while spending time with my family (no screen time). 2. Give me some time to be creative. 3. Express gratefulness towards something daily and try to create a habit of it.

As I am wrapping up the month I’d like to say that I pretty much did as I hoped. When I quit Facebook and other social media platforms I found myself not spending as much time on my phone. Sure, I’d go on to check my Instagram account, however, it wasn’t the first thing I woke up to do. I really emphasized to myself to wake up and set the tone of the day by doing something else. Since then, I have found myself to be more creative and picking up my old reading habits. I’ve been writing a lot of short stories or just anything in my journals and I end up feeling very well.

Another thing I was working on was practicing gratitude/thankfulness for something daily. To be honest, I tried to not be repetitive to myself, but man! I’m truly blessed with everything I have. I mean we all are. For the simple things to exist and all is simply a major thing to be grateful for.

Grateful for everything; feelings of joy and happiness.

November was truly good to me and I’m so happy to share these words with you. I can’t wait for what December has in store! We are going to end the last month of the year with a BANG!!!!!

Until then, I’m sending you much love!

-Zayra XOXO

October Intentions

Hello, my friends,

Happy October!!

I hope you’re doing well and enjoying the last bits of summer wherever you are. Here in California summer officially came to an end on September 22 and we welcomed Autumn. I was stoked to welcome the season for many different reasons. Of course, my number one reason is the chilly weather. Although we don’t often get rain in California I very much enjoy the gloomy cold misty days.

Anywho, I wanted to try something different this month and that is 3. Intentions for the month of October. These intentions could be a variety of things baking, cleaning, going someplace, etc… Then I’d like to revisit them at the end of the month and see if I completed them!

October Intentions:

  1. Bake pumpkin spice snickerdoodles
  2. Visit a Halloween Attraction
  3. Practice breaking a bad habit

Now I challenge you to write down at least one intention for the month of October and do it! I’d also like for you to reflect on it and ask yourself if you would have done it if you haven’t urged yourself to do it.

Have a happy day and I’ll keep you guys updated! 😊

-ZAYRA XOXO 🎃