Life of Z: Week 2

Hello!
This week is extraordinary out of my comfort zone. I usually don’t tend to go out much because I get anxious or simply don’t want to go out. However, I started a new job and that pushed me to get out of my zone a bit. I am a bus commuter so it was interesting to take a couple buses just to get to work on time. Anyhow, this week(end) was very anticipated for daughter and myself. I hosted her first Halloween party.

Through all the running around from store to store; here are some photos I was able to capture…. haha oops.

Party Ready!
Setting up for the Party!
Sunday Breakfast at IHOP and we tried Morticia’s Haunted Hot Chocolate… Looks like spooky goop lol

Week 3 starts tomorrow…
Please let me know how your weeks are going~~~
Take care, XOXO
Z

Stressed Out

Hello friend,

Happy May 1st!
I cannot believe that we already are in May. The days keep passing by so quickly.
I hope it’s going well.

I’m writing a short post today.

It definitely has been a hasty year thus far. I have to remind myself to take a deep breath more than usual these days. Never did I realize that life would be making me feel so stressed out. While in school I always figured that stuff would get better. Always looking at the bright side right? It’s good to be optimistic about life and how you’re going to be.

And it’s also okay to not be.

Stress has been consuming me. Sometimes I feel like I’m stressing myself out for not being where I want to be in life. Not achieving my goals and not being able to get the things I need. I’m feeling restrained from being successful and doing more.

Not only do I feel stressed, it’s also taking a toll on my health. I’m feeling more tired than usual, feeling anxious, and not being able to sleep most nights.

I’ll lay in bed dose off for a bit and immediately wake up. And just when I feel like I could get a good night rest I feel more exhausted.

Self Care:

  • When I’m feeling like I can’t breathe I try to remind myself to relax.
  • Ask myself if whatever it is worth making you feel sick.
  • Go for a walk.
  • Breathe.
  • Sit.
  • Do nothing. Whatever I can to make myself feel better.

Life has been a little chaotic and I’m trying to be more proactive to my writing. I’m just always making excuses to not continue my work.

I must I remind myself. Life is too short. Don’t stay mad at silly things. Focus on yourself.

Until then, take care.

-Z

Losing Touch with Myself

Hello,
I hope you’ve been doing well!
I guess you can say that I thoroughly enjoying spending my time being off the web. Ever since quitting some major social media platforms I have found some peace in my anxiety. While I do spend some time on Instagram, I like to go through my old picture albums in my phone and computer.

On my phone, my first photos are dated back to May 2012 with just one photo of myself standing by the coast posing. Then it skips to January 13, 2015, the day my daughter was born. As I browse through my photos I realized that I have thousands of photos of my daughter. I think to myself, “aw, what sweet memories.” However, I notice a change in photos where I am in.

In many photos of myself I tend to hide behind my daughter. I cover my face and body, or I simply take photos of only my face. It’s never a full shot of myself posing or anything. There are a few exceptions though, a few of my selfies include the typical duck lips pose or me simply smiling.

What I realized through these photos is that I lost touch of myself. I am afraid to take a picture, but mostly, I am afraid to look back at the image of myself. I don’t have the same confidence as I did a year ago. And I find it astonishing how anxiety and depression do take a toll on your physical appearance. As I write to you, I want you to know that these are the types of habits I am trying to overcome.

Expectations of Yourself vs. Reality

I remember when I was taking this I was feeling so good!!!

It’s hard to understand why when you have all these anxieties, you really are your own enemy. I remember feeling so great taking photos of myself to then look over them afterward and notice all my blemishes and instead of feeding myself positive things I spiraled into negativity. And it’s not only when you take photos of yourself, it’s everyday life.

When you walk past the mirror and notice all your imperfections. Talk yourself down, and feel miserable about the way you look. It sucks, in my eyes I feel like a monster looking back at my reflection. And in reality that monster is an insecure anxiety that tries to take over my life.

Going down this road has led me to not care about the way I look. Not because it don’t want too, but simply because in a way I gave up. I figured, I’m never going to look like a magazine cover girl so why try? Instead of trying to make myself feel better I let it dictate me. Living off sweats and a crazy bun. Calling my look the “mom look,” because I made excuses for myself that I was too busy to care for myself. And if I don’t take care of myself, no one will.

I lost touch with myself…

I don’t have answers to how I will fix this, but I will take my previous written advice to change this. Create healthy habits, & actually TRY to do something nice for myself.

Reminder for myself: It’s important to be kind to yourself, this includes the way you look at yourself. Don’t talk down to your body because it has gone through a lot. It has created life and it’s tired of you being so cruel to it. And as cliche , “Your body is a temple.”

Once we create a better relationship with our bodies, a lot can happen… I’ll keep you posted.
XOXO,
Zayra

Love and Health

Hello!
I hope it’s been good for you. January was neverending and much busier than the holidays! I didn’t know that was possible.

Welcome to February where the flowers beging to bloom, the air and seasons are Changing rapidly and there’s love in the air!

Last year I wrote a post about how love should be celebrated everyday and not specifically for one day! I still believe that we should love one another and spread the love every day we live.

Spread love for someone special, a loved one, but mostly love for yourself. As 2018 was quickly ending I made it a goal for myself to love myself, learn healthier habits, and simply grow as a person. I’m not going to lie, it’s been difficult. Its not a mathematical problem where you spend some time and figure it out but it’s more than just numbers. It take days, weeks, and even months to get to a place where you want to be. However, it takes sacrifice and hard work to achieve success or even a personal goal.

My ultimate goal for the new year is to lose weight and be a healthier version of myself physically and mentally. So I have been trying a different approach to it and not looking at it as if there’s an end game or goal weight. I believe that diets are so absurd and sometimes very unhealthy. And with my experience in the past I found that they’re mostly temporary. Instead, my goal is to look at this goal in another way and just work on the foundation to being healthy.

Since the new year began I have been keeping track of my steps on a fitness watch. Walking around everywhere and finding a reason to be on my feet other than when I’m at work! I stated that having a dog is really awesome because you can just take them for a walk, but really you’re walking yourself haha..

My biggest struggle is food.

I love to eat. I live for it. I love cooking and baking and man I have a huge sweet tooth. Truly the biggest thing in the way of being healthy is the way I handle food and my relationship with it.
Either I overeat in one sitting or eat so little that I’ll eat badly later on in the day. It’s often hard to find an in between and balance. I have found that planning ahead is a huge deal.

Though, sometimes, you just need to be strict on yourself. I need to take care of my self and care about what I use to fuel my body. It’s hard, but I will work on being better at it. Strict doesn’t necessarily mean to be hard on yourself. Since February is the month of love you need to appreciate yourself and mainly take care of yourself. Build a loving relationship with the person you are and the person you want to be. Build a relationship that is loving in the end with the way you see food.

Until then,
Much love.
-zayra

November Notes

Hello,

I hope your Thanksgiving was well spent with good company and good vibes. Mine was quiet and relaxing, I spent my morning with my daughter and her father. We went on a nice afternoon walk to the park and we played hide-and-seek and tag. While we spent the afternoon in the park, I took the time to appreciate life and my surroundings. The wind, ocean, trees, and human interaction was astounding.

The atmosphere during the holidays is special because you get to see all the people coming together and interacting. It was all perfect in its own way. Well, perfect for me…

Dinner was also quiet and delicious. I cooked a ham, mashed potatoes, gravy, cornbread stuffing, Mac and cheese. I couldn’t have asked for more of the day.

If you read my November Intentions post I gave myself a few tasks to complete for the month. 1. was to be more present while spending time with my family (no screen time). 2. Give me some time to be creative. 3. Express gratefulness towards something daily and try to create a habit of it.

As I am wrapping up the month I’d like to say that I pretty much did as I hoped. When I quit Facebook and other social media platforms I found myself not spending as much time on my phone. Sure, I’d go on to check my Instagram account, however, it wasn’t the first thing I woke up to do. I really emphasized to myself to wake up and set the tone of the day by doing something else. Since then, I have found myself to be more creative and picking up my old reading habits. I’ve been writing a lot of short stories or just anything in my journals and I end up feeling very well.

Another thing I was working on was practicing gratitude/thankfulness for something daily. To be honest, I tried to not be repetitive to myself, but man! I’m truly blessed with everything I have. I mean we all are. For the simple things to exist and all is simply a major thing to be grateful for.

Grateful for everything; feelings of joy and happiness.

November was truly good to me and I’m so happy to share these words with you. I can’t wait for what December has in store! We are going to end the last month of the year with a BANG!!!!!

Until then, I’m sending you much love!

-Zayra XOXO

August Rush

 

Hey guys,

It’s definitely been a while since I last wrote on my blog. What can I say, I’m an awful writer. haha… Anyway, a little update to my current life.

I have been taking some time to myself to really figure out what I want with my life. For a long time while I was in college my whole mindset was study, work, and get it done. Now that I am finished with school I wanted to hit the pause button. I asked myself what I wanted to do and what am I going to do. For the past 5 to 6 years I have been working nonstop with school and jobs. I just felt burnt out.

I’m sure a lot of people will say “oh you had it easy,” or stuff like “you’re too young to complain about being tired.” Honestly, my whole life has been in a rush. Always on the go, always trying to find solutions to problems at home or in life. Always this or that. I could tell you hundreds of stories about why I feel the way I feel. In all seriousness, I’ve just been too serious about everything. I have not given myself the chance to stop and enjoy. Sometimes I wonder if I even know what enjoyment even means.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In other news: Michelle has started going to preschool!

1stdayofschool.jpg

Let me tell you something. Mom’s you will cry when you drop off your child even if they do not cry. I remember dropping her off and staying with her for a while before it was time for me to let my little bird out of my nest for the day.

She was really excited and all I wanted to do was hold her so close to myself. I was holding back my tears as I was there with her. Then it was time. She went off to play with some kids and I walked back to my car. I sat there for about 20 minutes crying!!! I was wondering where my little baby has gone… She has grown up so fast and I could not believe she was already in school.

20150303_200735.jpg
Then

now.jpg
NOW!

Time really does fly when you are having fun. I cherish every day I have with her even when she is fighting with me. My baby will always be my baby!

Cheesy. Anyway, that’s all I have to say for today. Take care. Talk soon.

XOXO

Zayra