Decade Reflection

The end of the year is coming up and all I can think about is how I’m getting older and that time is moving quicker. As I reflect on my past ten years I think about the people who have come into my life and made an impact on me. I also look back on the difficult times that made me the person I am today.

Life hasn’t been easy, though, every struggle along the way has made me appreciate the things I’ve gotten. I never really announce the the world my accomplishments or show off. I guess I was never really proud of myself because I didn’t think it was enough. I always felt like I could do more and that somehow someway the world wouldn’t be impressed.

I talk about it many times in my past posts, I always cared what people said and if people spoke about me. I don’t know if that is some cultural thing because of the way I was raised. Like my mother saying “don’t behave that way because of such and such.” Maybe that was it, though, I cared too much. I was embarrassed of expressing myself and being out there because I didn’t want to tarnish some reputation my family had, if they had one.

I’ve always been reserved, quiet, and to myself. Not really putting myself out there. Keeping myself closed from things. I had this idea that if something was meant to come into your life it would come. Though, as I grew older I soon realized that if I am not open to anything, nothing in my life would happen. Life would simply be meaningless and boring.

Becoming Independent

Independent to me means: working, making big life decisions on your own, going places you never been.

Ever since I was younger I began helping my parents make difficult decisions, or simply make my own. When I was in my second year of college I found out I was pregnant and so I remember it being a difficult time for me. Quitting the university was never an option for me, I knew I was going to finish despite whatever people said about me.

I felt like I brought shame into my family because I would be a single mother. My parents had me on this pedestal and so they always made me feel like I always had to make right decisions. They still do. It sucks. But I figured it out on my own. They eventually came around and accepted me and my unborn child.

My pregnancy wasn’t easy, emotionally, it was difficult. And labor was brutal. I had an emergency C-Section because my daughter was wrapped around her umbilical cord and wasn’t able to breathe. I also was losing consciousness and don’t remember more about it. But, we both lived.

The most difficult time was after child labor when I went through postpartum depression. I didn’t want to acknowledge that something was wrong and I was so good at hiding my emotions. But, I was seriously miserable. I felt alone, and sometimes didn’t even want to hold my daughter. I felt like I wasn’t good enough or even knew how to love her. Then I began to hate myself.

After seeking help I started to progress to do better. I was able to learn on how to acknowledge my emotions and I did improve.

As I look back on my sad days, difficult days, happy days, and my entire decade I am proud of where I am today. Some days are difficult, but that’s life unfortunately. I just have to keep working harder on doing what I want.

A New Decade

As a new year approaches us, I look forward to see where I will be going. This time, I will not set up expectations and goals. Instead, I’ll take things day by day, learn to moderate things, and try to go places I never been. The upcoming years are full of exciting new opportunities to learn new things, make new memories, and just grow as a person.

If you’ve read up to here, I appreciate you and wish you a wonderful holiday season. May the new year be exciting and wonderful to you. I’ve been a bit busy with work, but I hope to catch you before the new year.

XOXO,
Zayra

Life of Z: Weeks 4 & 5

Hello there!
Happy November my friend, have you been reading my words? Have you been enjoying my photos? Life is always moving so quickly and I try to capture as much as I can through photos. Though, I love living in the moment.

Aren’t we all just strangers trying to put ourselves out there?

Make time to read.

Make time to create.

Make time to unwind.

Gratitude

November is special to me because I make the time to reflect on the many great things going on in my life. The opportunities and blessings I have. I try to remind myself daily to be thankful for everything.

When life feels unfair, I just tell myself to look back and see my accomplishments. If something didn’t work out there was a reason. A reason that I don’t understand now. Whether it was timing in life, a door closing or another one opening. Life is really special and strange to understand.

As we wind down to the last weeks and month of this year remind yourself to make time for you. Be thankful for the people around you. For your existence. While holidays are meant to bring people together, these days makes us feel stressed out and burnt out.

Let us forget about the things we want, but think of the wonderful life we already have…

Thank you, if you read this far, thank you for reading my ramblings. I love writing and sharing my words. And I hope you can relate to whatever I say or not. haha…

Talk soon.
XOXO,
Z

October 2019

Hello friends,
I hope you are doing well. I’m actually doing great, September was brutal and such an emotional month. So, I am glad that October is here. The season changed a week ago and I truly believe we were lucky enough to experience the climate change with it. Early mornings and evenings are nice and chilly, and the air feels so fresh out.

I tend to feel more inspired through out Fall / Winter seasons, could be because I love the cold or that the sweat from the summer isn’t irritating me so maybe I can think clearer. Whatever it is, I am glad that October is here.

Here at my house we like to kick off the new month with spooky vibes and spirit. For instance, I decided that I bake cupcakes. Nothing truly fancy, but I did add one of those Brach’s candied pumpkins.

Honestly though, my house has been decked out on Autumn decor since September 1st. No shame, no regrets lol. And ever since then I have been writing little notes on how autumn arrived. Always started little blog updates and never went on with them.

I know my blog is allover the place, and I unfortunately keep making excuses for myself to not just write. Will I ever change? Who knows… I do love this though, having my space to write my thoughts and hopefully somehow impact someone out there. I know it feels like I’m putting myself out there into the nothingness, but there are people out there!!!

If you’re out there…. HELLO! Do you celebrate holidays? Can you please share with me what they are? And, if you ever have any questions… PLEASE ask me!!!

Anyway, I’ll have more soon…


XOXO,
Z

June 2019

HELLO JUNE!!!
How are you friends? Are you still there? It’s been a hot minute since I last wrote about something or have made something to share with the web. I’ve been a been under the weather. I was going through some crazy health issues and was really in a place that I hate to be in.

I relapsed. I let myself fall into that dark place. I let all the bad consume me whole. All of light turned grey and all of joy was lost. I started to feel the comfort behind it. I suddenly became a passenger to my anxiety, letting it take control of what I would do and how I would feel. Like an addict I didn’t feel life. I didn’t allow myself to live as I try to do.

But, I’m here, I’m back. I’m feeling better and I want to get to work on the things I love the most. I want to write. I want to inspire. And I want to cook all the food I can.

Hello Summer

I’m so glad that summer is arriving, while I don’t love the heat I do enjoy spending the day out, going on mini trips, having BBQ’s, and spend the time with my friends and family. While my budget is limited, I do want to have fun with my daughter. And most of all, I want to enjoy LIFE.

My June intentions are:

  • Exercise & EAT
  • Enjoy the outdoors [WALK, RUN, JUMP, BREATHE, GO TO THE BEACH]
  • Most of all LIVE, don’t allow anxiety to take over.
  • Take Lots of pictures!!!

And if you’ve read this far, you enjoy all of this too. I will write to you soon!!

XOXO
Zayra (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

Stressed Out

Hello friend,

Happy May 1st!
I cannot believe that we already are in May. The days keep passing by so quickly.
I hope it’s going well.

I’m writing a short post today.

It definitely has been a hasty year thus far. I have to remind myself to take a deep breath more than usual these days. Never did I realize that life would be making me feel so stressed out. While in school I always figured that stuff would get better. Always looking at the bright side right? It’s good to be optimistic about life and how you’re going to be.

And it’s also okay to not be.

Stress has been consuming me. Sometimes I feel like I’m stressing myself out for not being where I want to be in life. Not achieving my goals and not being able to get the things I need. I’m feeling restrained from being successful and doing more.

Not only do I feel stressed, it’s also taking a toll on my health. I’m feeling more tired than usual, feeling anxious, and not being able to sleep most nights.

I’ll lay in bed dose off for a bit and immediately wake up. And just when I feel like I could get a good night rest I feel more exhausted.

Self Care:

  • When I’m feeling like I can’t breathe I try to remind myself to relax.
  • Ask myself if whatever it is worth making you feel sick.
  • Go for a walk.
  • Breathe.
  • Sit.
  • Do nothing. Whatever I can to make myself feel better.

Life has been a little chaotic and I’m trying to be more proactive to my writing. I’m just always making excuses to not continue my work.

I must I remind myself. Life is too short. Don’t stay mad at silly things. Focus on yourself.

Until then, take care.

-Z

When Anxiety Takes Over Your Life

Hello,
I hope you have been well.
March has finally arrived and Spring is right around the corner. So far, this year has been moving by so quickly. Even if I don’t realize it the last month came to an end very quickly.

I am very much looking forward to Spring and sunny days, and while I have been enjoying this lovely California rain I think it’s time for some light.

If you’ve been following me along for a while now you’ll know that I have terrible anxiety and have been able to manage it at most times. However, lately, these past few weeks I found myself anxious about everything. Anxious to the point of not being able to sleep for days.

There is really no explanation or reason for me to feel this way. Life has been good, yet, I can’t seem to find the joy in it. It’s really overwhelming, especially, when it puts your life on a pause.

Even though the days go by so quickly, the hours feel so long for me. I’ll try to find things to do that could make me feel better (i.e.: exercise, taking a bath/shower, watching funny shows.) And while those are only temporary mood boosters I keep finding myself constantly out of it. Worrying about nothing all the time. I’ll get lost in my own mind going through a spiral of thoughts that are never-ending and truly exhausting.

What’s wrong with me?

That’s the first thing that comes to me when I do this and allow for anxiety to make me feel so miserable and lost. It’s not that I am unhappy, but I am also not happy. If that makes any sense.

Anxiety just takes over my life as if it’s the boss of me. Demanding me to get upset at everything. Taking my creativity, getting rid of my passions, sucking the joy out of life. Anxiety is a monster who is prying on me. Waiting for me to have a weak moment so it can conquer my body.

Nothing is wrong with you!

Photo by Josephine Amalie Paysen on Unsplash

Just like this photo. Anxiety to me is like a storm that passes by. I know that once it has gone the sun will come out and will shed light on all beautiful things.

And so, I take my resolutions and goals I gave myself and do all the things that will help me be the best me.

Why do resolutions fail? My plan to be the best me in the New Year!

Hey friends,
As the new year is slowly, but quickly approaching all I keep thinking about is #NewYearNewMe. It’s so crazy how we begin a brand new year full of hope and resolutions. Yet, we can’t seem to keep up with them.
According to an article on the Business Insider, “80% of people fail to stick to their New Year’s resolutions for longer than six weeks.” Many of them are about trying to obtain healthy exercise habits and being more physically active. Resolutions fail because we make all these unattainable goals for ourselves! We think that just because it’s a new year that we get to restart. Well, we aren’t that wrong. We just need to make these resolutions attainable and realistic!!!!

If you’re anything like me you have been trying for the longest to get fit, eat healthier, and just overall improve your health. But…… You are lacking the most important factor in keeping up with a routine. MOTIVATION!

I told myself at the beginning of the year that I was going to do it! I came into the year with a strong approach and quickly failed… Mainly because I went cold turkey with a lot of the things I ate and I just didn’t have the strong will-power I used too.

I find excuses to not do any exercise and it’s getting to the point where I’m just like yeah no excuse, I’m just lazy. I keep thinking back to when I was 17 years young and I was working out like crazy. I was so focused and motivated, but also, I had all of the time of the world.

Even though I had all the time of the world, I remember that my 17 year old self was up to something. I wasn’t only pushing myself out of my comfortable limit, I was trying to balance my health all together.

Something I remember was literally training yourself to eat better. It was as if I was a newborn baby learning to eat foods that are good for you and I introduced myself to many delicious vegetables and fruits. I always hated the taste of zucchini, onions, and dear goodness I didn’t know what flavor was! My palate was so bland and tasteless.
Training my new taste buds meant that I had to slowly get rid of sugars, bad carbs, and junk food. It was hard, but I did it!

#NewYearNewMe

My plan to become healthier:
1. Start getting rid of added sugars, bad carbs, junk food.
2. Create an exercise routine that is achievable and doable.
3. Make exercise fun, think of different ways to incorporate a walk, run, etc.
4. Don’t make yourself feel guilty if you have a cheat snack/meal.
5. Train your taste buds to like REAL food!
6. When you’re feeling lazy, go for a walk, or walk the dogs!

So far, I’m starting a bit early just to get that routine going! I’m trying to cut out sugar and I’m proud of myself because I now enjoy coffee without sugar! I do however add some liquid creamer… I’m working on that though! In the meanwhile, I am learning to eat smaller portions and mindfully enjoy my food. And if you have any suggestions, please send them my way!

XOXO,
Zayra!