Happy New Year my friend! Yes, we are roughly three weeks into the new year and I’m just making an update to this blog. I don’t forget about you. I think about you all the time! I just can’t seem to keep up with updates or even trying to make time as I wish. Last year, I went from working at a part-time position in retail to a full-time job at a Hotel. It’s been interesting and very busy. I have a lot of responsibilities in my job and I also have to make time for my daughter.
Before the new year began I took time to really evaluate my life and my goals. I overheard people already talking about how when the new year would come they would make all types of resolutions. Then, came the new year and these resolutions people made were not being fulfilled.
I told myself, “don’t make any resolutions because you don’t need that kind of pressure.” Of course, everyone was talking about it. Instagram bloggers stories were filled with all types of resolutions. Like eating healthier, losing weight, spending less time on their phone… etc…
I began to feel pressured.
YOU MUST MAKE NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS!!!
NO! I WON’T!!! So why do resolutions suck?
Because the pressures of society and our expectations and such you know? If I announced to the world that I was going to lose weight and I don’t keep up with it becomes a cliche per say>> “NEW YEAR, NEW ME.”
Silly isn’t it? How this one thing that’s supposed to motivates us ends up making us feel bummed out!! I know that kind of pressure doesn’t work with me. It’s actually an antic for myself to self sabotage and feel guilty of my terrible eating habits… and exercise routines… lol.
But, you know what? I don’t care! I made NO resolutions and just decided to keep that peace of mind and make better life decisions. Creating a healthier relationship with yourself and everything around you (IMO) is a better way for long term success.
Stay positive, life won’t always suck! XOXO, Z ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ
The end of the year is coming up and all I can think about is how I’m getting older and that time is moving quicker. As I reflect on my past ten years I think about the people who have come into my life and made an impact on me. I also look back on the difficult times that made me the person I am today.
Life hasn’t been easy, though, every struggle along the way has made me appreciate the things I’ve gotten. I never really announce the the world my accomplishments or show off. I guess I was never really proud of myself because I didn’t think it was enough. I always felt like I could do more and that somehow someway the world wouldn’t be impressed.
I talk about it many times in my past posts, I always cared what people said and if people spoke about me. I don’t know if that is some cultural thing because of the way I was raised. Like my mother saying “don’t behave that way because of such and such.” Maybe that was it, though, I cared too much. I was embarrassed of expressing myself and being out there because I didn’t want to tarnish some reputation my family had, if they had one.
I’ve always been reserved, quiet, and to myself. Not really putting myself out there. Keeping myself closed from things. I had this idea that if something was meant to come into your life it would come. Though, as I grew older I soon realized that if I am not open to anything, nothing in my life would happen. Life would simply be meaningless and boring.
Independent to me means: working, making big life decisions on your own, going places you never been.
Ever since I was younger I began helping my parents make difficult decisions, or simply make my own. When I was in my second year of college I found out I was pregnant and so I remember it being a difficult time for me. Quitting the university was never an option for me, I knew I was going to finish despite whatever people said about me.
I felt like I brought shame into my family because I would be a single mother. My parents had me on this pedestal and so they always made me feel like I always had to make right decisions. They still do. It sucks. But I figured it out on my own. They eventually came around and accepted me and my unborn child.
My pregnancy wasn’t easy, emotionally, it was difficult. And labor was brutal. I had an emergency C-Section because my daughter was wrapped around her umbilical cord and wasn’t able to breathe. I also was losing consciousness and don’t remember more about it. But, we both lived.
The most difficult time was after child labor when I went through postpartum depression. I didn’t want to acknowledge that something was wrong and I was so good at hiding my emotions. But, I was seriously miserable. I felt alone, and sometimes didn’t even want to hold my daughter. I felt like I wasn’t good enough or even knew how to love her. Then I began to hate myself.
After seeking help I started to progress to do better. I was able to learn on how to acknowledge my emotions and I did improve.
As I look back on my sad days, difficult days, happy days, and my entire decade I am proud of where I am today. Some days are difficult, but that’s life unfortunately. I just have to keep working harder on doing what I want.
A New Decade
As a new year approaches us, I look forward to see where I will be going. This time, I will not set up expectations and goals. Instead, I’ll take things day by day, learn to moderate things, and try to go places I never been. The upcoming years are full of exciting new opportunities to learn new things, make new memories, and just grow as a person.
If you’ve read up to here, I appreciate you and wish you a wonderful holiday season. May the new year be exciting and wonderful to you. I’ve been a bit busy with work, but I hope to catch you before the new year.
Hello there! Happy November my friend, have you been reading my words? Have you been enjoying my photos? Life is always moving so quickly and I try to capture as much as I can through photos. Though, I love living in the moment.
Aren’t we all just strangers trying to put ourselves out there?
Make time to read.
Make time to create.
Make time to unwind.
November is special to me because I make the time to reflect on the many great things going on in my life. The opportunities and blessings I have. I try to remind myself daily to be thankful for everything.
When life feels unfair, I just tell myself to look back and see my accomplishments. If something didn’t work out there was a reason. A reason that I don’t understand now. Whether it was timing in life, a door closing or another one opening. Life is really special and strange to understand.
As we wind down to the last weeks and month of this year remind yourself to make time for you. Be thankful for the people around you. For your existence. While holidays are meant to bring people together, these days makes us feel stressed out and burnt out.
Let us forget about the things we want, but think of the wonderful life we already have…
Thank you, if you read this far, thank you for reading my ramblings. I love writing and sharing my words. And I hope you can relate to whatever I say or not. haha…
Hello friends, I hope you are doing well. I’m actually doing great, September was brutal and such an emotional month. So, I am glad that October is here. The season changed a week ago and I truly believe we were lucky enough to experience the climate change with it. Early mornings and evenings are nice and chilly, and the air feels so fresh out.
I tend to feel more inspired through out Fall / Winter seasons, could be because I love the cold or that the sweat from the summer isn’t irritating me so maybe I can think clearer. Whatever it is, I am glad that October is here.
Here at my house we like to kick off the new month with spooky vibes and spirit. For instance, I decided that I bake cupcakes. Nothing truly fancy, but I did add one of those Brach’s candied pumpkins.
Honestly though, my house has been decked out on Autumn decor since September 1st. No shame, no regrets lol. And ever since then I have been writing little notes on how autumn arrived. Always started little blog updates and never went on with them.
I know my blog is allover the place, and I unfortunately keep making excuses for myself to not just write. Will I ever change? Who knows… I do love this though, having my space to write my thoughts and hopefully somehow impact someone out there. I know it feels like I’m putting myself out there into the nothingness, but there are people out there!!!
If you’re out there…. HELLO! Do you celebrate holidays? Can you please share with me what they are? And, if you ever have any questions… PLEASE ask me!!!
HELLO JUNE!!! How are you friends? Are you still there? It’s been a hot minute since I last wrote about something or have made something to share with the web. I’ve been a been under the weather. I was going through some crazy health issues and was really in a place that I hate to be in.
I relapsed. I let myself fall into that dark place. I let all the bad consume me whole. All of light turned grey and all of joy was lost. I started to feel the comfort behind it. I suddenly became a passenger to my anxiety, letting it take control of what I would do and how I would feel. Like an addict I didn’t feel life. I didn’t allow myself to live as I try to do.
But, I’m here, I’m back. I’m feeling better and I want to get to work on the things I love the most. I want to write. I want to inspire. And I want to cook all the food I can.
I’m so glad that summer is arriving, while I don’t love the heat I do enjoy spending the day out, going on mini trips, having BBQ’s, and spend the time with my friends and family. While my budget is limited, I do want to have fun with my daughter. And most of all, I want to enjoy LIFE.
My June intentions are:
Exercise & EAT
Enjoy the outdoors [WALK, RUN, JUMP, BREATHE, GO TO THE BEACH]
Most of all LIVE, don’t allow anxiety to take over.
Take Lots of pictures!!!
And if you’ve read this far, you enjoy all of this too. I will write to you soon!!
Happy May 1st!
I cannot believe that we already are in May. The days keep passing by so quickly.
I hope it’s going well.
I’m writing a short post today.
It definitely has been a hasty year thus far. I have to remind myself to take a deep breath more than usual these days. Never did I realize that life would be making me feel so stressed out. While in school I always figured that stuff would get better. Always looking at the bright side right? It’s good to be optimistic about life and how you’re going to be.
And it’s also okay to not be.
Stress has been consuming me. Sometimes I feel like I’m stressing myself out for not being where I want to be in life. Not achieving my goals and not being able to get the things I need. I’m feeling restrained from being successful and doing more.
Not only do I feel stressed, it’s also taking a toll on my health. I’m feeling more tired than usual, feeling anxious, and not being able to sleep most nights.
I’ll lay in bed dose off for a bit and immediately wake up. And just when I feel like I could get a good night rest I feel more exhausted.
When I’m feeling like I can’t breathe I try to remind myself to relax.
Ask myself if whatever it is worth making you feel sick.
Go for a walk.
Do nothing. Whatever I can to make myself feel better.
Life has been a little chaotic and I’m trying to be more proactive to my writing. I’m just always making excuses to not continue my work.
I must I remind myself. Life is too short. Don’t stay mad at silly things. Focus on yourself.
Hello, I hope you have been well. March has finally arrived and Spring is right around the corner. So far, this year has been moving by so quickly. Even if I don’t realize it the last month came to an end very quickly.
I am very much looking forward to Spring and sunny days, and while I have been enjoying this lovely California rain I think it’s time for some light.
If you’ve been following me along for a while now you’ll know that I have terrible anxiety and have been able to manage it at most times. However, lately, these past few weeks I found myself anxious about everything. Anxious to the point of not being able to sleep for days.
There is really no explanation or reason for me to feel this way. Life has been good, yet, I can’t seem to find the joy in it. It’s really overwhelming, especially, when it puts your life on a pause.
Even though the days go by so quickly, the hours feel so long for me. I’ll try to find things to do that could make me feel better (i.e.: exercise, taking a bath/shower, watching funny shows.) And while those are only temporary mood boosters I keep finding myself constantly out of it. Worrying about nothing all the time. I’ll get lost in my own mind going through a spiral of thoughts that are never-ending and truly exhausting.
What’s wrong with me?
That’s the first thing that comes to me when I do this and allow for anxiety to make me feel so miserable and lost. It’s not that I am unhappy, but I am also not happy. If that makes any sense.
Anxiety just takes over my life as if it’s the boss of me. Demanding me to get upset at everything. Taking my creativity, getting rid of my passions, sucking the joy out of life. Anxiety is a monster who is prying on me. Waiting for me to have a weak moment so it can conquer my body.
Nothing is wrong with you!
Just like this photo. Anxiety to me is like a storm that passes by. I know that once it has gone the sun will come out and will shed light on all beautiful things.
And so, I take my resolutions and goals I gave myself and do all the things that will help me be the best me.