Decade Reflection

The end of the year is coming up and all I can think about is how I’m getting older and that time is moving quicker. As I reflect on my past ten years I think about the people who have come into my life and made an impact on me. I also look back on the difficult times that made me the person I am today.

Life hasn’t been easy, though, every struggle along the way has made me appreciate the things I’ve gotten. I never really announce the the world my accomplishments or show off. I guess I was never really proud of myself because I didn’t think it was enough. I always felt like I could do more and that somehow someway the world wouldn’t be impressed.

I talk about it many times in my past posts, I always cared what people said and if people spoke about me. I don’t know if that is some cultural thing because of the way I was raised. Like my mother saying “don’t behave that way because of such and such.” Maybe that was it, though, I cared too much. I was embarrassed of expressing myself and being out there because I didn’t want to tarnish some reputation my family had, if they had one.

I’ve always been reserved, quiet, and to myself. Not really putting myself out there. Keeping myself closed from things. I had this idea that if something was meant to come into your life it would come. Though, as I grew older I soon realized that if I am not open to anything, nothing in my life would happen. Life would simply be meaningless and boring.

Becoming Independent

Independent to me means: working, making big life decisions on your own, going places you never been.

Ever since I was younger I began helping my parents make difficult decisions, or simply make my own. When I was in my second year of college I found out I was pregnant and so I remember it being a difficult time for me. Quitting the university was never an option for me, I knew I was going to finish despite whatever people said about me.

I felt like I brought shame into my family because I would be a single mother. My parents had me on this pedestal and so they always made me feel like I always had to make right decisions. They still do. It sucks. But I figured it out on my own. They eventually came around and accepted me and my unborn child.

My pregnancy wasn’t easy, emotionally, it was difficult. And labor was brutal. I had an emergency C-Section because my daughter was wrapped around her umbilical cord and wasn’t able to breathe. I also was losing consciousness and don’t remember more about it. But, we both lived.

The most difficult time was after child labor when I went through postpartum depression. I didn’t want to acknowledge that something was wrong and I was so good at hiding my emotions. But, I was seriously miserable. I felt alone, and sometimes didn’t even want to hold my daughter. I felt like I wasn’t good enough or even knew how to love her. Then I began to hate myself.

After seeking help I started to progress to do better. I was able to learn on how to acknowledge my emotions and I did improve.

As I look back on my sad days, difficult days, happy days, and my entire decade I am proud of where I am today. Some days are difficult, but that’s life unfortunately. I just have to keep working harder on doing what I want.

A New Decade

As a new year approaches us, I look forward to see where I will be going. This time, I will not set up expectations and goals. Instead, I’ll take things day by day, learn to moderate things, and try to go places I never been. The upcoming years are full of exciting new opportunities to learn new things, make new memories, and just grow as a person.

If you’ve read up to here, I appreciate you and wish you a wonderful holiday season. May the new year be exciting and wonderful to you. I’ve been a bit busy with work, but I hope to catch you before the new year.

XOXO,
Zayra

Life of Z: Week 1

Hey there!
I hope you are doing well! You could call me the queen of procrastination because I never write, or put it aside… haha well. I just keep getting caught up in my life. My anxiety and always making excuses for myself. Like I just want to live and enjoy.

The other day I posted a photo of myself for World Mental Health Day, because I know there are a lot of people out there who suffer. Quietly, too. I am for sure one of those people. In this photo I captured myself feeling happy. And I try to look at it when I am feeling all anxious and unhappy.

So I wanted to try something new. I am the type of person to try many things in hopes of finding peace with my anxiety and hoping to find happiness along the way. I want to capture my everyday life with a photo. Whether it is of myself or something that makes me smile. I want to be more proactive for myself, to remind myself to be happy and enjoy life.

So here’s my first week, with just few photos.

Michelle being all cute at the pumpkin patch!
A photo of me taken by my daughter

I look forward to doing this!
Take care, XOXO

Love and Health

Hello!
I hope it’s been good for you. January was neverending and much busier than the holidays! I didn’t know that was possible.

Welcome to February where the flowers beging to bloom, the air and seasons are Changing rapidly and there’s love in the air!

Last year I wrote a post about how love should be celebrated everyday and not specifically for one day! I still believe that we should love one another and spread the love every day we live.

Spread love for someone special, a loved one, but mostly love for yourself. As 2018 was quickly ending I made it a goal for myself to love myself, learn healthier habits, and simply grow as a person. I’m not going to lie, it’s been difficult. Its not a mathematical problem where you spend some time and figure it out but it’s more than just numbers. It take days, weeks, and even months to get to a place where you want to be. However, it takes sacrifice and hard work to achieve success or even a personal goal.

My ultimate goal for the new year is to lose weight and be a healthier version of myself physically and mentally. So I have been trying a different approach to it and not looking at it as if there’s an end game or goal weight. I believe that diets are so absurd and sometimes very unhealthy. And with my experience in the past I found that they’re mostly temporary. Instead, my goal is to look at this goal in another way and just work on the foundation to being healthy.

Since the new year began I have been keeping track of my steps on a fitness watch. Walking around everywhere and finding a reason to be on my feet other than when I’m at work! I stated that having a dog is really awesome because you can just take them for a walk, but really you’re walking yourself haha..

My biggest struggle is food.

I love to eat. I live for it. I love cooking and baking and man I have a huge sweet tooth. Truly the biggest thing in the way of being healthy is the way I handle food and my relationship with it.
Either I overeat in one sitting or eat so little that I’ll eat badly later on in the day. It’s often hard to find an in between and balance. I have found that planning ahead is a huge deal.

Though, sometimes, you just need to be strict on yourself. I need to take care of my self and care about what I use to fuel my body. It’s hard, but I will work on being better at it. Strict doesn’t necessarily mean to be hard on yourself. Since February is the month of love you need to appreciate yourself and mainly take care of yourself. Build a loving relationship with the person you are and the person you want to be. Build a relationship that is loving in the end with the way you see food.

Until then,
Much love.
-zayra

October Intentions

Hello, my friends,

Happy October!!

I hope you’re doing well and enjoying the last bits of summer wherever you are. Here in California summer officially came to an end on September 22 and we welcomed Autumn. I was stoked to welcome the season for many different reasons. Of course, my number one reason is the chilly weather. Although we don’t often get rain in California I very much enjoy the gloomy cold misty days.

Anywho, I wanted to try something different this month and that is 3. Intentions for the month of October. These intentions could be a variety of things baking, cleaning, going someplace, etc… Then I’d like to revisit them at the end of the month and see if I completed them!

October Intentions:

  1. Bake pumpkin spice snickerdoodles
  2. Visit a Halloween Attraction
  3. Practice breaking a bad habit

Now I challenge you to write down at least one intention for the month of October and do it! I’d also like for you to reflect on it and ask yourself if you would have done it if you haven’t urged yourself to do it.

Have a happy day and I’ll keep you guys updated! 😊

-ZAYRA XOXO 🎃

August Rush

 

Hey guys,

It’s definitely been a while since I last wrote on my blog. What can I say, I’m an awful writer. haha… Anyway, a little update to my current life.

I have been taking some time to myself to really figure out what I want with my life. For a long time while I was in college my whole mindset was study, work, and get it done. Now that I am finished with school I wanted to hit the pause button. I asked myself what I wanted to do and what am I going to do. For the past 5 to 6 years I have been working nonstop with school and jobs. I just felt burnt out.

I’m sure a lot of people will say “oh you had it easy,” or stuff like “you’re too young to complain about being tired.” Honestly, my whole life has been in a rush. Always on the go, always trying to find solutions to problems at home or in life. Always this or that. I could tell you hundreds of stories about why I feel the way I feel. In all seriousness, I’ve just been too serious about everything. I have not given myself the chance to stop and enjoy. Sometimes I wonder if I even know what enjoyment even means.

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In other news: Michelle has started going to preschool!

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Let me tell you something. Mom’s you will cry when you drop off your child even if they do not cry. I remember dropping her off and staying with her for a while before it was time for me to let my little bird out of my nest for the day.

She was really excited and all I wanted to do was hold her so close to myself. I was holding back my tears as I was there with her. Then it was time. She went off to play with some kids and I walked back to my car. I sat there for about 20 minutes crying!!! I was wondering where my little baby has gone… She has grown up so fast and I could not believe she was already in school.

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Then

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NOW!

Time really does fly when you are having fun. I cherish every day I have with her even when she is fighting with me. My baby will always be my baby!

Cheesy. Anyway, that’s all I have to say for today. Take care. Talk soon.

XOXO

Zayra

Month Reflections

Hello, my friends!

I hope you are doing well! I haven’t updated my blog in a while and honestly, I’ve just been making excuses to not do anything. I don’t know about you, but I’m just being lazy!!

Last month was super hectic, so let me catch you up.

May 2018 

I remember the day before May 1st I was on social media and saw that Justin Timberlake meme It’s gonna be May….” All I could think about was “wow we are almost halfway through the year, finals are coming up, and graduation is just around the corner…..” Well little did I realize that with a blink of an eye that entire month would flash by so quickly I didn’t even get to savor it completely.

I was stressing over my last couple finals and graduation details. When the day finally arrived it felt like a dream. Graduation was bittersweet and a wonderful ending to my undergrad career. I saw all my classmates probably for the last time ever. (I wish you guys luck and hope you are all doing well if you ever happen to stumble upon my ramblings and nonsense on the internet lol….).

Anyway, what I’m trying to get at is that I literally mentally checked out from doing anything because I need a break lol. (Okay not really, cuz I’m on social media all the time lol… -insert laughing emoji-)

 

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P.O.V.

During my college years, I spent my entire time working and studying because I wanted to get my degree done as fast as possible. Now that I reflect on it, I didn’t really push myself to enjoy my college experience that much. I mean I went to some cool parties and events, though it wasn’t regularly haha (I’m antisocial sometimes and I like to sleep and be home….. woops.)

 

 

 

Okay, fast forward to June 12!

Now that I’m finished with school I can really dive into my creativity and create fun stuff to share with you.

 

 

June 2018

This month has been fun. I’ve been spending my money like crazy cuz why the heck not! Just treating myself to mani-pedis, massages, self-care kind of stuff. I even got to visit the Santa Barbara Zoo with my fam.

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Anyway, I could ramble on for hours so I will just cut it here.

What are your reflections from last month? Please let me know!

I hope you enjoy this post!

XOXO

Zayra