New Years Resolutions Suck

Happy New Year my friend!
Yes, we are roughly three weeks into the new year and I’m just making an update to this blog. I don’t forget about you. I think about you all the time! I just can’t seem to keep up with updates or even trying to make time as I wish.
Last year, I went from working at a part-time position in retail to a full-time job at a Hotel. It’s been interesting and very busy. I have a lot of responsibilities in my job and I also have to make time for my daughter.

Before the new year began I took time to really evaluate my life and my goals. I overheard people already talking about how when the new year would come they would make all types of resolutions. Then, came the new year and these resolutions people made were not being fulfilled.

I told myself, “don’t make any resolutions because you don’t need that kind of pressure.” Of course, everyone was talking about it. Instagram bloggers stories were filled with all types of resolutions. Like eating healthier, losing weight, spending less time on their phone… etc…

I began to feel pressured.

YOU MUST MAKE NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS!!!

NO! I WON’T!!! So why do resolutions suck?

Because the pressures of society and our expectations and such you know? If I announced to the world that I was going to lose weight and I don’t keep up with it becomes a cliche per say>> “NEW YEAR, NEW ME.”

Silly isn’t it? How this one thing that’s supposed to motivates us ends up making us feel bummed out!!
I know that kind of pressure doesn’t work with me. It’s actually an antic for myself to self sabotage and feel guilty of my terrible eating habits… and exercise routines… lol.

But, you know what? I don’t care! I made NO resolutions and just decided to keep that peace of mind and make better life decisions. Creating a healthier relationship with yourself and everything around you (IMO) is a better way for long term success.

Stay positive, life won’t always suck!
XOXO,
Z ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

Goodbye 2019

The end of the year is coming up and all I can think about is how I’m getting older and that time is moving quicker. As I reflect on my past ten years I think about the people who have come into my life and made an impact on me. I also look back on the difficult times that made me the person I am today.

Life hasn’t been easy, though, every struggle along the way has made me appreciate the things I’ve gotten. I never really announce the the world my accomplishments or show off. I guess I was never really proud of myself because I didn’t think it was enough. I always felt like I could do more and that somehow someway the world wouldn’t be impressed.

I talk about it many times in my past posts, I always cared what people said and if people spoke about me. I don’t know if that is some cultural thing because of the way I was raised. Like my mother saying “don’t behave that way because of such and such.” Maybe that was it, though, I cared too much. I was embarrassed of expressing myself and being out there because I didn’t want to tarnish some reputation my family had, if they had one.

I’ve always been reserved, quiet, and to myself. Not really putting myself out there. Keeping myself closed from things. I had this idea that if something was meant to come into your life it would come. Though, as I grew older I soon realized that if I am not open to anything, nothing in my life would happen. Life would simply be meaningless and boring.

Becoming Independent

Independent to me means: working, making big life decisions on your own, going places you never been.

Ever since I was younger I began helping my parents make difficult decisions, or simply make my own. When I was in my second year of college I found out I was pregnant and so I remember it being a difficult time for me. Quitting the university was never an option for me, I knew I was going to finish despite whatever people said about me.

I felt like I brought shame into my family because I would be a single mother. My parents had me on this pedestal and so they always made me feel like I always had to make right decisions. They still do. It sucks. But I figured it out on my own. They eventually came around and accepted me and my unborn child.

My pregnancy wasn’t easy, emotionally, it was difficult. And labor was brutal. I had an emergency C-Section because my daughter was wrapped around her umbilical cord and wasn’t able to breathe. I also was losing consciousness and don’t remember more about it. But, we both lived.

The most difficult time was after child labor when I went through postpartum depression. I didn’t want to acknowledge that something was wrong and I was so good at hiding my emotions. But, I was seriously miserable. I felt alone, and sometimes didn’t even want to hold my daughter. I felt like I wasn’t good enough or even knew how to love her. Then I began to hate myself.

After seeking help I started to progress to do better. I was able to learn on how to acknowledge my emotions and I did improve.

As I look back on my sad days, difficult days, happy days, and my entire decade I am proud of where I am today. Some days are difficult, but that’s life unfortunately. I just have to keep working harder on doing what I want.

A New Decade

As a new year approaches us, I look forward to see where I will be going. This time, I will not set up expectations and goals. Instead, I’ll take things day by day, learn to moderate things, and try to go places I never been. The upcoming years are full of exciting new opportunities to learn new things, make new memories, and just grow as a person.

If you’ve read up to here, I appreciate you and wish you a wonderful holiday season. May the new year be exciting and wonderful to you. I’ve been a bit busy with work, but I hope to catch you before the new year.

XOXO,
Zayra

Life of Z: Weeks 4 & 5

Hello there!
Happy November my friend, have you been reading my words? Have you been enjoying my photos? Life is always moving so quickly and I try to capture as much as I can through photos. Though, I love living in the moment.

Aren’t we all just strangers trying to put ourselves out there?

Make time to read.

Make time to create.

Make time to unwind.

Gratitude

November is special to me because I make the time to reflect on the many great things going on in my life. The opportunities and blessings I have. I try to remind myself daily to be thankful for everything.

When life feels unfair, I just tell myself to look back and see my accomplishments. If something didn’t work out there was a reason. A reason that I don’t understand now. Whether it was timing in life, a door closing or another one opening. Life is really special and strange to understand.

As we wind down to the last weeks and month of this year remind yourself to make time for you. Be thankful for the people around you. For your existence. While holidays are meant to bring people together, these days makes us feel stressed out and burnt out.

Let us forget about the things we want, but think of the wonderful life we already have…

Thank you, if you read this far, thank you for reading my ramblings. I love writing and sharing my words. And I hope you can relate to whatever I say or not. haha…

Talk soon.
XOXO,
Z

Life of Z: Week 3

Hey there!
As I write to reflect the past I realize how long and busy it was. I can’t remember the last time I sat to enjoy doing nothing. Working two jobs back to back is no joke. Seriously, I’m super tired.

However, through all the madness I managed to SURVIVE!
It wasn’t easy, and honestly all I wished was to do was sleep in.
My body has adjusted to naturally get up and go at the crack of dawn and I’m like whyyyyy??? Anyway, Halloween week is finally coming and the next month!!
Now, let me share some of my favorite snaps of this past week.

Life moves fast so lets capture as much as we can.

Lucky to catch the sunrise every morning
worked on a school project with my daughter!
Life is so calm at dawn
Sunday night chocolate chip pumpkin bread FTW

Afterthoughts!!!

As the new week approaches, I want to remind myself to be thankful for all the blessings and great opportunities life has for me. For a long time I spent my days wondering when life would bring new and great opportunities. I realized that it all works out after you work hard.

Work hard today and play harder tomorrow. LOL as cliche as that sounds it’s so true. Opportunity doesn’t just fall down on you, we must build the paths to get on the main road… whatever that means right?

This new week will be another busy one for me, however, I am ready! I have planned as much as I can and am anticipating it!

🦇 Happy Halloween and have a wonderful week! 🎃

XOXO,
Z

Life of Z: Week 2

Hello!
This week is extraordinary out of my comfort zone. I usually don’t tend to go out much because I get anxious or simply don’t want to go out. However, I started a new job and that pushed me to get out of my zone a bit. I am a bus commuter so it was interesting to take a couple buses just to get to work on time. Anyhow, this week(end) was very anticipated for daughter and myself. I hosted her first Halloween party.

Through all the running around from store to store; here are some photos I was able to capture…. haha oops.

Party Ready!
Setting up for the Party!
Sunday Breakfast at IHOP and we tried Morticia’s Haunted Hot Chocolate… Looks like spooky goop lol

Week 3 starts tomorrow…
Please let me know how your weeks are going~~~
Take care, XOXO
Z

October 2019

Hello friends,
I hope you are doing well. I’m actually doing great, September was brutal and such an emotional month. So, I am glad that October is here. The season changed a week ago and I truly believe we were lucky enough to experience the climate change with it. Early mornings and evenings are nice and chilly, and the air feels so fresh out.

I tend to feel more inspired through out Fall / Winter seasons, could be because I love the cold or that the sweat from the summer isn’t irritating me so maybe I can think clearer. Whatever it is, I am glad that October is here.

Here at my house we like to kick off the new month with spooky vibes and spirit. For instance, I decided that I bake cupcakes. Nothing truly fancy, but I did add one of those Brach’s candied pumpkins.

Honestly though, my house has been decked out on Autumn decor since September 1st. No shame, no regrets lol. And ever since then I have been writing little notes on how autumn arrived. Always started little blog updates and never went on with them.

I know my blog is allover the place, and I unfortunately keep making excuses for myself to not just write. Will I ever change? Who knows… I do love this though, having my space to write my thoughts and hopefully somehow impact someone out there. I know it feels like I’m putting myself out there into the nothingness, but there are people out there!!!

If you’re out there…. HELLO! Do you celebrate holidays? Can you please share with me what they are? And, if you ever have any questions… PLEASE ask me!!!

Anyway, I’ll have more soon…


XOXO,
Z

Friday the 13th

Hello friend,
I’m still here. I hope you are well.
It’s always busy for me, the days go by so fast even though the new weeks feel so far away.
I’m anxious though, usually when life goes by so fast I don’t get a chance to think about the things that go on around me. I usually take the day as it comes and always make the best out of it. I’m just sharing my feelings today, nothing exciting.

Lately, though, I have been feeling extremely anxious. Could it be that spooky unlucky Friday the 13th kind of ordeal? I’m superstitious, though, I think this one is on me.

I write because it calms me and I become inspired so I wanted to tackle that spooky feeling off of me. Anxiety is spooky and really unhelpful if it falls on this day. I guess I may be unlucky? haha.

In all seriousness, I am anxious and it has been building up lately in my life. I’m anxious because I feel like I am trapped in my current state of life. Even though I work hard to move up in life I see no change. They say work hard and success follows. Never give up on yourself. Try harder. Be persistent. Push. And that is what I always do.

Except today, anxiety got the better of me and I let it consume me whole. And it is hard when you are fighting it daily, but I let it take me to a place I hate to be. I become physically exhausted for no apparent reason except because I allow worry to be only on my mind.

What am I worried about?

I am worried about not being in the place I want to be. Not having a better job, more opportunity, and not having the ability to provide for my family. And I cannot control life. My path is going somewhere I just have to remind myself to be patient and believe in myself.

Worrying about what I cannot control is useless.

The reality is that anxiety sucks and when you get sucked into it, it’s hard to get out sometimes. I wish I had the answers for getting rid of anxiety, but sometimes its best to just get up and go for a walk.

Just know, if you read this far, you’re not alone. Just because you feel like your life isn’t going anywhere doesn’t mean you are the only one. There are so many people who feel like you do and it’s okay to be a little sad, just try to remind yourself to not let it get the best of you. Tomorrow will be a better day, but you have the power to make that happen.

Drowning in our sorrows sucks the beauty of life. It’s not easy, but please a reminder you are not alone.

-Z

Love and Health

Hello!
I hope it’s been good for you. January was neverending and much busier than the holidays! I didn’t know that was possible.

Welcome to February where the flowers beging to bloom, the air and seasons are Changing rapidly and there’s love in the air!

Last year I wrote a post about how love should be celebrated everyday and not specifically for one day! I still believe that we should love one another and spread the love every day we live.

Spread love for someone special, a loved one, but mostly love for yourself. As 2018 was quickly ending I made it a goal for myself to love myself, learn healthier habits, and simply grow as a person. I’m not going to lie, it’s been difficult. Its not a mathematical problem where you spend some time and figure it out but it’s more than just numbers. It take days, weeks, and even months to get to a place where you want to be. However, it takes sacrifice and hard work to achieve success or even a personal goal.

My ultimate goal for the new year is to lose weight and be a healthier version of myself physically and mentally. So I have been trying a different approach to it and not looking at it as if there’s an end game or goal weight. I believe that diets are so absurd and sometimes very unhealthy. And with my experience in the past I found that they’re mostly temporary. Instead, my goal is to look at this goal in another way and just work on the foundation to being healthy.

Since the new year began I have been keeping track of my steps on a fitness watch. Walking around everywhere and finding a reason to be on my feet other than when I’m at work! I stated that having a dog is really awesome because you can just take them for a walk, but really you’re walking yourself haha..

My biggest struggle is food.

I love to eat. I live for it. I love cooking and baking and man I have a huge sweet tooth. Truly the biggest thing in the way of being healthy is the way I handle food and my relationship with it.
Either I overeat in one sitting or eat so little that I’ll eat badly later on in the day. It’s often hard to find an in between and balance. I have found that planning ahead is a huge deal.

Though, sometimes, you just need to be strict on yourself. I need to take care of my self and care about what I use to fuel my body. It’s hard, but I will work on being better at it. Strict doesn’t necessarily mean to be hard on yourself. Since February is the month of love you need to appreciate yourself and mainly take care of yourself. Build a loving relationship with the person you are and the person you want to be. Build a relationship that is loving in the end with the way you see food.

Until then,
Much love.
-zayra

Creativity

Hello, my friends,

I hope you’re doing well! I definitely have been caught up with life and getting sidetracked from creativity.

In my last post, I told you my intentions for the month of November and I have been challenging myself to keep myself working on them. It has been a challenging task to get myself to do the assignments that I make for myself… Let me tell you why though.

During the month of October, I was struck with an opportunity to write. This opportunity arrived when I was struck by creativity. You know that imagination, ideas or whatever you want. The ideas for writing purposely arrived in me. And I had to catch them. I envision this moment as I am writing on paper like a butterfly catcher with a net. Except. I was catching words onto my notebook. They were words for my blog and words for my idea book. I felt like I was on fire and I needed to catch them all. I needed to write word for word onto my notebook. And the ideas and creativity would not stop for one moment. I would find myself in the shower and BOOM… Creativity was right there.

Here is the thing about creativity though, it simply does not wait around for you to decide when it is the best time to welcome it. It comes and then it goes.

As Elizabeth Gilbert writes in Big Magic, “If inspiration is allowed to unexpectedly enter you, it is also allowed to unexpectedly exit you.”

That is what happened. I was riding creativity like a horse sprinting through a meadow and then we were abruptly stopped when we lost a sense of direction. And ever since then, we have been lost. We are lost, but not in a bad way.

Today, however, I ran into creativity and inspiration. Which guided me through writing these words. Because I want them to keep coming to me so that I have wonderful stories to tell and that I could share the things I love to do with you.

When I started this blog I had the intention to share the good, bad, and in between. I want to always be candid and real because all we ever do on social media is pretend we are someone we are not.

If you have been following me for a while you know that my blog is always changing and that is because of myself. I am always changing, always trying to be a better person, always trying to learn something new, trying to find my own happiness and grow.

So if you are ever confused about what my blog is about it is of all the things I love, my stories, my life. Me.

 

Please, I hope you enjoy my stories and continue coming back to me. I have so much to share.

Love,

Zayra

XOXO

November Intentions

Hello,

And I hope you are doing well today! Can you believe another month has passed us and we are much closer to the end of the year!

YIKES!!! eyes-312093_960_720.png

Last month I shared with you my first few intentions I wanted to do for myself and boy was that a journey! First off, I want to say that breaking bad habits are not easy and they can take months to get over! Getting off Facebook was such a challenge and accepting living in the now was really great! Last month I was able to spend time with my family and really be there presently.

As part of my monthly intentions, I wanted to try a new recipe! I baked over 3 dozen Pumpkin Snickerdoodles with my daughter lol! I don’t know why, but I did it and they were absolutely delicious. I used the recipe from the Domestic Rebel: https://thedomesticrebel.com/2016/08/17/the-best-soft-chewy-pumpkin-snickerdoodles/

I urge you to try them!IMG_20181006_114335.jpg

And finally, my last October Intention was to visit a Halloween Attraction! And guess where we went!? Dun… dun… dun… We went to the Pumpkin Patch! ha. However, most of the time was spent trying to convince Michelle to ride the pony, get down the slide, and other things. She did not want to do anything. Ultimately, the visit was brief.

 

NOVEMBER 

November brings a sense of gratitude for my loved ones and things I have. This month I believe that we (humans) like to remind ourselves to be grateful for the people around us and for what we have. While it is the month to give thanks I also have that same feeling during Valentine’s day when we “share love,” with others.

So why not make it a habit to be grateful all day every day!!

 

Now this month should be a great place to start because of all the feelings we get during the holidays! You know those warm thankful feelings… Right!?

pencil-918449_960_720

My November Intentions:

  1. Try to make it a habit to be grateful for one thing every day this month. Write it down and look over them at the end of the month!
  2. Set some free time for me to work and express myself creatively.
  3. Spend family time without any screens!

 

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If you are reading this I challenge you to try my 1st intention! If you want to share them with me you can send me a photo through Instagram or Twitter DM. Or, you can post them in the comments below!

As always!

Much love,

Zayra 🙂