Decade Reflection

The end of the year is coming up and all I can think about is how I’m getting older and that time is moving quicker. As I reflect on my past ten years I think about the people who have come into my life and made an impact on me. I also look back on the difficult times that made me the person I am today.

Life hasn’t been easy, though, every struggle along the way has made me appreciate the things I’ve gotten. I never really announce the the world my accomplishments or show off. I guess I was never really proud of myself because I didn’t think it was enough. I always felt like I could do more and that somehow someway the world wouldn’t be impressed.

I talk about it many times in my past posts, I always cared what people said and if people spoke about me. I don’t know if that is some cultural thing because of the way I was raised. Like my mother saying “don’t behave that way because of such and such.” Maybe that was it, though, I cared too much. I was embarrassed of expressing myself and being out there because I didn’t want to tarnish some reputation my family had, if they had one.

I’ve always been reserved, quiet, and to myself. Not really putting myself out there. Keeping myself closed from things. I had this idea that if something was meant to come into your life it would come. Though, as I grew older I soon realized that if I am not open to anything, nothing in my life would happen. Life would simply be meaningless and boring.

Becoming Independent

Independent to me means: working, making big life decisions on your own, going places you never been.

Ever since I was younger I began helping my parents make difficult decisions, or simply make my own. When I was in my second year of college I found out I was pregnant and so I remember it being a difficult time for me. Quitting the university was never an option for me, I knew I was going to finish despite whatever people said about me.

I felt like I brought shame into my family because I would be a single mother. My parents had me on this pedestal and so they always made me feel like I always had to make right decisions. They still do. It sucks. But I figured it out on my own. They eventually came around and accepted me and my unborn child.

My pregnancy wasn’t easy, emotionally, it was difficult. And labor was brutal. I had an emergency C-Section because my daughter was wrapped around her umbilical cord and wasn’t able to breathe. I also was losing consciousness and don’t remember more about it. But, we both lived.

The most difficult time was after child labor when I went through postpartum depression. I didn’t want to acknowledge that something was wrong and I was so good at hiding my emotions. But, I was seriously miserable. I felt alone, and sometimes didn’t even want to hold my daughter. I felt like I wasn’t good enough or even knew how to love her. Then I began to hate myself.

After seeking help I started to progress to do better. I was able to learn on how to acknowledge my emotions and I did improve.

As I look back on my sad days, difficult days, happy days, and my entire decade I am proud of where I am today. Some days are difficult, but that’s life unfortunately. I just have to keep working harder on doing what I want.

A New Decade

As a new year approaches us, I look forward to see where I will be going. This time, I will not set up expectations and goals. Instead, I’ll take things day by day, learn to moderate things, and try to go places I never been. The upcoming years are full of exciting new opportunities to learn new things, make new memories, and just grow as a person.

If you’ve read up to here, I appreciate you and wish you a wonderful holiday season. May the new year be exciting and wonderful to you. I’ve been a bit busy with work, but I hope to catch you before the new year.

XOXO,
Zayra

Life is Bananas (aka life of z)

Hey friend,
About a few weeks ago I started a little experiment of my life in a week where I wanted to capture my daily life through a series of photos. Whether it was random things I saw or things that inspired me. And honestly, it didn’t work for me. I always forgot to take photos and I felt more inspired through my words rather than through an image. As we know, it’s quite difficult to capture stories through a lens. Or simply, I don’t have an eye for it.

However, I felt like I am more of a story teller through my writings. Ironically, I am awful at updating my blog with stories… Anyway, the point is that life is always changing and so are people.

When you try something out and it doesn’t work for you it’s okay to change your mind about it. Life isn’t perfect. Life is always unstable and unexpected. It will take you through places you don’t want to be. Bearable or unbearable, life will put you through the best and worst situations and it is up to us to make the best out of it.

i am a writer

I will never not love to write. I shall proclaim, I am a writer!

I write for myself and for those who stumble upon my work and can relate to my stories. My work isn’t professional, it’s personal as all things should be. Getting to know people and such… I enjoy a nice long chat with people, connecting and learning their stories. Seeing people for who they are and what they yearn for.

Life is bananas, I have so many interests and am always trying to take up new hobbies. But that’s life. If we didn’t do anything what is the point of it? There is so much to try and so much to learn. Why sit around doing nothing all day?

(okay, you can totally binge watch your favorite shows!)

Anyway, this blog. is a mess, an actual representation of my brain. One day I’m all about cooking, the next it’s about the beauty of painting, coloring, reading, knitting, etc… I will never not just write about one thing because there is SO MUCH TO WRITE ABOUT!

LIFE. IS. SHORT. LET’S. GO.

see you next time, thank you for reading. love you…

XOXO,
z

Life of Z: Weeks 4 & 5

Hello there!
Happy November my friend, have you been reading my words? Have you been enjoying my photos? Life is always moving so quickly and I try to capture as much as I can through photos. Though, I love living in the moment.

Aren’t we all just strangers trying to put ourselves out there?

Make time to read.

Make time to create.

Make time to unwind.

Gratitude

November is special to me because I make the time to reflect on the many great things going on in my life. The opportunities and blessings I have. I try to remind myself daily to be thankful for everything.

When life feels unfair, I just tell myself to look back and see my accomplishments. If something didn’t work out there was a reason. A reason that I don’t understand now. Whether it was timing in life, a door closing or another one opening. Life is really special and strange to understand.

As we wind down to the last weeks and month of this year remind yourself to make time for you. Be thankful for the people around you. For your existence. While holidays are meant to bring people together, these days makes us feel stressed out and burnt out.

Let us forget about the things we want, but think of the wonderful life we already have…

Thank you, if you read this far, thank you for reading my ramblings. I love writing and sharing my words. And I hope you can relate to whatever I say or not. haha…

Talk soon.
XOXO,
Z